6 months - (The day called the 18th)

(All pictures in this post taken on September 18, 2011)

6 months ago today, my Rob preached his last sermon - for Homecoming at the first church where he, in 1995, was appointed as pastor 

6 months ago today, my children had their last day with a conscious dad  

6 months ago today, I had my last conversation with my husband

6 months ago today, I last saw his smile

6 months ago today, I last heard his voice

6 months ago today, I went to bed not knowing how I would awaken

6 months ago today, my husband put our children to bed

6 months ago today, my husband told Anna good night and he loved her

6 months ago today, my husband then went to Wesley and Luke’s room

6 months ago today, my husband prayed the boys’ personal prayers with them

6 months ago today, my children’s father, as they did each night, then prayed The Lord’s Prayer with them before they started to drift off to sleep

6 months ago today, my husband’s last words – ever – were

“Good night, I love you” to his sons

 6 months ago tonight, the ambulance was called and it was the beginning of the end

6 months ago – in 1 ½ days from now – my Rob died

6 months’ passage of time –

6 months – so little time when we’ve just moved somewhere new and I say to others,

“Oh, we’ve only lived here 6 months.”

6 months – so much time when our babies turned from newborns to thriving 6 month olds

with personalities all their very own 

6 months since Rob died – it seems as if time has stood still and it has been neither

so little time or so much time –

it just seems as if the nightmare of Rob’s death and the reality of his absence is ever present -

and yet it’s been half of a year

6 months - they said it would get better in time – and it really, really does in some ways –

but it has also simultaneously gotten worse