"Where My Husband Is Buried"

My heart still hurts every time I speak those words.

Today was Memorial Day "where my husband is buried."

I bought Duke blue flowers for his grave.

My parents and I bought flowers in memory of Rob for the chancel table inside the church.

The church was packed.  Every seat was taken and there were people in overflow areas by the time the service started.

The service was great - I really needed to hear the sermon that was preached and the music was inspirational.

Each glance to my right, however, brought a view of the vase of carnations.

These carnations are given one by one to the families of those who have died since the last Memorial Day.  They are to be placed on the graves.

And tears fell each time I caught that view because I knew I would be getting one this year.

The service concludes with each family (and I had lots of family there) going to stand at their loved ones' graves while the benediction is given and while the song "Precious Memories" is sung acapella.  It's always been such a special moment as we've stood at my great-grandparents' and then my grandparents' graves. 

It was even more so this year as I did the unimaginable task of standing at my husband's grave.

The service is followed by lunch with the most delicious homemade lemonade.

And when we were driving away, it started raining.  Just a small shower that only lasted a few minutes.  But it was enough to make me smile and think of how it rains on all of Rob's and my important days.

All in all, it was great day.  Great day of seeing family.  Great day of remembering Rob.  

Great worship service.  Great food.  Great lemonade.

Horrible Reality.

Because we were gathered "where my husband is buried."

  

  

Irrelevant

Today is the 19th.

That marks 8 months since that agonizing 24 hours when my Rob was unconscious before his death.

I am in pain today.

Physical and Emotional.

I've been up since 5:30 b/c I had to be at my parents' home by 8 a.m.for something and I was too tired to load anything last night after Anna's dance recital - so I got up early to load some dishes (dishes never go in the truck!) and my curio cabinets in my van so that I could take them to my house this morning.

In those curio cabinets were all of the breakable bears that Rob got me when we were dating - why he gave them to me is a story for another day.

But I had to see all of the notes attached to the bears as I lifted them.

And I had to lift and hold each one as it was transferred from its home to the box.

(I'll try to add pictures later. I only have a few minutes right now before my brother gets here to help me load some of the heavy stuff onto the truck).

I had to see and pack the crystal container that holds most of the rose petals from flowers Rob gave me over the years.

The other curio cabinet held the keepsakes from when each child was born - which, even though those are good memories, it just makes it all fresh again that my children have no earthly father.

And this was all before 6:45 a.m.

The physical pain is getting worse b/c I have been working non-stop for about 3 weeks now but there really is just no other choice.  It all has to be done.  And lots of it can only be done by me b/c Rob's things are being packed differently than ever before.

I just got home from my parents' house and checked my email and there's even worse news about my friend Richard's prognosis.  The cancer has spread to so many places.  Please continue praying for that family.

I am happy that God has mercifully provided that Richard, Marisol, Jael, Victoria, and Joseph have SOME time together, however long that might be.  Even though it doesn't seem like it right now, having SOME time is truly a blessing


I did not get even one second with Rob.  He went from awake and fine to unconscious and then with the Lord.  What I would have given for his eyes to open for just 30 seconds of those 24 hours.


I knew today was the 19th.  I knew it yesterday.  I knew it as soon as I awoke today.  I thought of it as I was packing my bears.  But it hit me even harder as I read the update on Richard. 

For Marisol was getting her "it's even worse" news on the 19th.

It was on the 19th of September that I knew for sure my Rob would not live.

Images, thoughts, feelings, actions, and sounds from that day still permeate my daily living.

It's not in the forefront of my mind every moment but it's never far away.

But on days like today, when I was needed in 2 different towns and when there's so much to do, and when I have an empty moving truck ready to be loaded (when I get it all packed that is),
that's when I remember that on some days -

 

pain - physical and emotional - has to just be

irrelevant

for the time being.

Our Day

Too tired for many details but this was my day.

No pictures from my visit today with my friends, Richard and Marisol, at the hospital.  His prognosis is not good at all.  We are still praying for healing on this earth but he and I smiled some over what is waiting for him in Heaven if his healing happens there.  Marisol reminds me of me almost 8 months ago.  She seems to be doing okay but unfortunately, she's been thrown into the club of the walking wounded.  It's not a club that anyone wants to join.  They are members of a very strong church family whose members are a constant presence - at Richard's request.  There was a line the entire time I was there of those waiting to see him.  They will have much support through the next while.  Please continue praying for them.

Got home in time for this:

Now I just have to pack it.

Then it was time for Anna's dance recital.

This is her 17th dance recital (one place we lived did a Christmas and end of year recital).

She was GREAT!  I am so proud of her!

And now it's time for bed.


Cancer

My friend, Richard (see last post), has

Stage 4 Melanoma.

My heart is breaking for

the entire family.

(This is not the best picture of Richard or Rob but it's the only one I could find tonight that had both of them in the picture.  In fact, it has both of our entire families except me - which is the usual scenerio.  This photo was taken in February 2010).

Please pray for Richard, Marisol, Jael, Victoria, and Joseph.

Prayer

I would like to ask for prayer for a friend of ours.

His name is Richard.  His wife is Marisol.  His children are Jael, Victoria, & Joseph.

(They are pictured here with Anna and Wesley at Wesley's birthday party - April 14, 2010)

Marisol is and has been Anna's Spanish teacher for 2 years.

Today was supposed to be the Spanish final.

Instead, Richard and Marisol are at an oncologist appointment for biopsy results.

For Richard. For some fast growing tumors.

His children are the same ages as my children's ages.

My heart has been aching for them since yesterday when I heard.

I talked with Richard yesterday. 

I spoke with Marisol this morning.

He is in severe physical pain - especially his back, he said.

She is in her own kind of pain as well.  She asked me to ask everyone I knew to pray - so I am. 

It's so hard watching your husband in pain and knowing there's

just nothing you can do to take away that pain.  

I know.

I've done it over and over again.

Please pray for Richard and his family.

Thank you.

1 Move Checked Off

My parents are in their new home. 

My parents, my children, and I spent the first night in their new home last night.

I'll post more later.

Right now, I am beyond spent.

But it does feel good that there is...

...1 move checked off the list.

Mother's Day

In my life, I've been called and labeled many things.

Daughter, Sister, Babysitter, Friend, Girlfriend, Day Care Worker, Soloist, Clarinet Player, Trumpet Player, College Student, College Graduate - Twice, Secretary, Office Manager, Teacher Assistant,

K-6 Elementary Education Teacher,

Preacher's Daughter,

Wife,

Preacher's Wife,

I was even called a young whippersnapper by a church member at our first church that Rob served - and it was probably true b/c I was pretty confident that I could pull off the 1-day Vacation Bible School with the help of my parents when she didn't think we could - and Rob, Mama, Daddy, and I (with the help of others) did pull it off

and it was great.

And now I'm called and labeled a widow.

But other than being called a child of God,

there's only one thing I'm called that matters to me now

and that is

Mama.

Hope you had a great Mother's Day!

Heritage

To be honest, all of this moving

(moving my parents to their house,

getting my house cleaned and ready for my children and me,

moving out of the parsonage and cleaning and readying it for the new pastor and his wife)

is nothing short of daunting.

Twice today, I sat down on the steps of my parents' new home

and cried.

But it never fails that God provides encouragement, motivation, and sustenance 

at just the moment I feel I can't go on.

Twice today, as I was moving stuff from my house to my parents' new home,

God provided that through my coming across my father's notes he had made

and Scriptures he had written down.

Both times, those words were just what I needed to see.

What a great heritage I have in my father's witness to me - 

even when he's not aware it is happening.  

Sunshine and Rain

Yesterday I went to my parents' house for this.

The phone and internet are now both installed.

Now they can move into their new home.

Of course, I've been moving stuff for a while.
Anyone recognize this Shelton table?
It technically belongs to Crystol but it's been in my storage buildings at various parsonages (along with about 15 bins of stuff) since she finished college and moved it out of her apartment.

I recovered the cushions in black to match Mama and Daddy's new kitchen.
I think it looks great in their new home.

The Lifeline (emergency call buttons) installer will be there Monday to change them over and they will officially move in on that day (May 14, 2012). 

I'm glad the sun was shining for the phone installation and it did not get postponed again.

However, the sunshine did not last.  I got home just in time for this.

My boys had so much fun in the rain.

They will miss this particular driveway when it rains.

Even though Rob and I dug a trench for the water to drain, it still floods when it's a torrential downpour.

My sons have so much fun running around in the "river."

And I always have so much fun just watching them!