(January 18, 1994)
January 18, 2018
Dear My Rob,
Today would have been
your 59th birthday.
We would have
celebrated and I would have started talking about how
you would only be 1
year away from the big 60!
We probably would
have noted that you would be turning 59 and you were born in the
year ’59
(1959) and that your birthday this year is the 18th in the year ’18
(2018).
Just as we had the
year when Wesley was born, we would be talking about this being
the year that
we would have 2 graduations –
Wesley from high
school and Anna from college.
Simply put, we would
be living life together.
But it didn’t work
out that way.
For the 7th
time, we are crossing your birthday without you.
And, as I always did
on your birthday when you were living
and as I have since
your death,
I will spend some
time being thankful
that you were born!
Your children and I
are living our lives but we will never stop remembering you.
In fact, all I really
have to do these days is glance in the direction of our youngest son to be
reminded of you. Although I see you in all of your children, Luke is looking the most like you overall and the older he gets, the
more he looks like you!
He reminds me of
you in so many ways – big and small.
For
instance, it takes him forever to decide what he wants at a
restaurant –
and then when the server arrives, he might even change
his mind –
JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS
DID!
As frustrating as that can be at times, it always makes me smile...
Just like every year on your birthday,
I want say a few basic things.
Thank you, Rob, for
loving me for as long as you could.
Thank you, Rob, for
giving me our children
for they are the joy
of my life.
And we all still miss
you.
Love,
Your Janna
****************************************************************
I will also repost the first blog post I wrote about Rob's birthday.
There are some who look forward to seeing the photos each year!
****************************************************************
Friday, January 18, 2013
Fifty-Four
He would have been 54 today.
I was married to Rob for 18 of his 52 birthdays. I have photos from every single one of them. And as I've looked at them to decide what to put on the blog, it was great to re-live those moments.
On the pictures from the first birthday I spent with Rob, I noticed the Duke Divinity School video in the background. This was when he was preparing to prove to Duke that he should be accepted and the video was about the process. He was accepted and graduated with lots of gratitude.
18 days into our marriage, this was the first birthday I spent with my Rob. Caleb (my first cousin who had his own room at my house) had made him a cake and colored a coffee cup for him. Rob and I both had to work that day so I bought him a birthday cookie.
Then there was 1999 when I gave him a 40th birthday party and inivited his churches and all of our family and friends. We had almost 200 people there.
There was his 50th (which was on a Sunday). The church he was serving gave him a covered dish party after church.
And then there was the last birthday we spent together before his death. We went to the beach with Jamie, Sally, Jay, Sarah, and Kaylee to celebrate. We had a great time!
And there was SO MUCH LIVING for us in between that first and last birthday.
Birthdays are about celebration of LIFE. That is what I'm trying to do. I am trying my best to celebrate the life our God gave to my Rob. I am working hard to make sure the children know what his life meant to so many people. I am trying to honor the marriage we had and the life we had together while at the same time, I do feel single again. I am celebrating the father he was to his four children and his influence on them while at the same time knowing that
I am now an only parent.
I do not know what my future holds. But as I've looked through these photos, I know I've had a great past. And although I am not spending my time LIVING in the past, there are still so many days that I'm sad that it IS the PAST. A part of me is gone and I don't think that will ever change. But on most days, I can remember that I enjoyed many wonderful seasons of life with my Rob and I can smile.
For all of those seasons and for all of those memories, I will always be grateful and I will forever feel blessed.
And now today, on what would have been his 54th birthday, I can smile as I know he is spending his second birthday with Jesus. There's just no thing better that I could wish for him.
On the pictures from the first birthday I spent with Rob, I noticed the Duke Divinity School video in the background. This was when he was preparing to prove to Duke that he should be accepted and the video was about the process. He was accepted and graduated with lots of gratitude.
18 days into our marriage, this was the first birthday I spent with my Rob. Caleb (my first cousin who had his own room at my house) had made him a cake and colored a coffee cup for him. Rob and I both had to work that day so I bought him a birthday cookie.
Then there was 1999 when I gave him a 40th birthday party and inivited his churches and all of our family and friends. We had almost 200 people there.
There was his 50th (which was on a Sunday). The church he was serving gave him a covered dish party after church.
And then there was the last birthday we spent together before his death. We went to the beach with Jamie, Sally, Jay, Sarah, and Kaylee to celebrate. We had a great time!
And there was SO MUCH LIVING for us in between that first and last birthday.
Birthdays are about celebration of LIFE. That is what I'm trying to do. I am trying my best to celebrate the life our God gave to my Rob. I am working hard to make sure the children know what his life meant to so many people. I am trying to honor the marriage we had and the life we had together while at the same time, I do feel single again. I am celebrating the father he was to his four children and his influence on them while at the same time knowing that
I am now an only parent.
I do not know what my future holds. But as I've looked through these photos, I know I've had a great past. And although I am not spending my time LIVING in the past, there are still so many days that I'm sad that it IS the PAST. A part of me is gone and I don't think that will ever change. But on most days, I can remember that I enjoyed many wonderful seasons of life with my Rob and I can smile.
For all of those seasons and for all of those memories, I will always be grateful and I will forever feel blessed.
And now today, on what would have been his 54th birthday, I can smile as I know he is spending his second birthday with Jesus. There's just no thing better that I could wish for him.
