YESTERDAY my mom found out that her friend, Patricia, was not doing well. She has been battling cancer for a few years now. Patricia told my mom that she was ready to stop suffering
She has fought it so hard and she is so tired.
TODAY my mom found out that Patricia is in ICU. She seems to be on the threshold of death.
Patricia lives a few hours away from us in a place where my dad pastored a small church while working a full-time job. Mama had a 9 month old, a 2 year old,and a 4 year old when they moved there. Patricia lived in the neighborhood and they become fast friends. They have remained friends for the last 44 years. Rob, Joan, and I took Mama and Daddy to visit Patricia and her family in October 2010. That's when these pictures were taken. Please say a prayer for Patricia, her family, and for my mom.
TODAY I received a phone call from my friend, Angie, telling me that Heath Carriker was not doing well. He is 93 and has been in declining health for the last few weeks. Who he is to me is posted below - written when his wife, Jacqueline, passed away. But suffice it to say, he is an important person to me and I am having to grieve all over again.
I took my dad (Daddy was Heath's minister for 9 years and his friend since 1982) to see Heath this evening. Anna and Luke went with us. Wesley stayed with my mom.
One of the things I remembered not long after Rob died was a visit I had had with Heath not long after his Jacqueline died. When I went in his house, I noticed that one of the paintings that usually hung over the tv had been taken down and placed against the tv and the wall was blank. I remember asking Heath if he needed help hanging the painting back up. His response was,
"Oh no, I took it down so I would have a blank wall to look at my slides of Jacqueline.
It's almost like seeing her again."
I remember thinking, at the time, how sweet and loving and poignant that was.
I had no idea that only a year and a half later, I would feel the same way over looking at pictures of Rob.
When we walked into Heath's room tonight, I immediately knew how weak he was but his face brightened with a smile at the sight of my daddy. He said a brief hello, looked straight at my dad and said,
"I'm ready to see Jacqueline."
He then went on to say he was neutral - part of him wants to get better and continuing living on earth and the other part of him is "ready to see his Jacqueline." He seems to be tarrying at the threshold of death.
He then brightened up and talked about all he's learned throughout his life and in the last couple of weeks and how blessed he's been with visitors. He talked to my children about the war. He talked about being chosen to fly the weather man in the Battle of Market Garden and what an honor that huge responsibility was. He also said we should have won that battle and if we had, the war would have ended much sooner. He talked about being a principal. He talked about teaching. He talked about the most enjoyable work he remembers is plowing the field with 2 good mules. He talked and talked and talked. He laughed. He smiled. He told me I should wear red more - that red looked really good on me. He told my Anna that she was beautiful. He talked and talked with my daddy about life. He said, "I guess I shouldn't philosophy so much at this stage - on this pathway to dying." I said, "Oh Heath, why change now?" We talked about the possibility of healing and he said, "that would be good too - if that's what God wants." He pointedly talked to me about living without a spouse and how hard it is. He talked about what a shock Rob's death was and then he said "but then again, so was Jacqueline's." He and I joked about how Rob and Jacqueline are probably in Heaven discussing the latest Duke scores and looking at this coming year's prospects. As we were talking about death, I told him to make sure to tell Rob and Jacqueline hello for me and that we miss them and love them. He asked my dad to take a part in his funeral. He asked me if I would get my dad to his funeral. He talked about how important my friend, Angie, is to him. He talked about how great of a life he has had and how blessed he has been and how grateful he is that God gave him the life He did. He talked about everything.
And it was awesome.
My dad then prayed for him and then led us all in The Lord's Prayer. And right there- in that nursing home room- as my father, my Anna, my Luke and I joined Heath in saying The Lord's Prayer, I felt the presence of God so strong that it was almost overpowering.
And it was awesome.
We each hugged him and told him we loved him. He then grabbed my hand, looked at me with loving, piercing eyes and said,
"Janna, do not forget to enjoy living. You deserve to live."
I replied with, "I'm trying, Heath, I'm trying."
Please say a prayer for Heath.
In the life of a minister's family, as we live and move and serve, we get to gain many friendships and we get to grieve the many losses. Truthfully, sometimes for me it takes a while after a move to form close friendships just for the sheer fact that it's so hard to lose them when we leave b/c no matter how hard we all try - maintaining close friendships after a move is difficult at best.
But sometimes there are a few friendships that last with complete contact on and on. One of those friendships for me began when I moved with my parents to Ellerbe, NC in 1982. I was 14. Heath and Jacqueline Carriker were retired teachers and members of our new Ellerbe church. She took piano from my mom and they developed a close relationship and a shared love of music. Heath and Jacqueline both loved my dad and his ministry. They took a special interest in us children - always giving us Christmas and b-day gifts - always supporting us in our activities. And it continued as I grew. They were the greeters at my wedding reception. Rob spent the night with them the night before our wedding. They hid the car we would be driving on our honeymoon (so it wouldn't be decorated) and they cleaned up the one that did get decorated before returning it to my parents. When Crystol was in 7th grade, she did a WWII report on Heath (he was a WWII bomber pilot and flew the Normandy Invasion, the Battle of the Bulge and in the European-African-Middle Eastern Campaign). I still have the audio cassette of the interview that day. As my children came along, Heath and Jacqueline kept being there. They came to special church services for them, they sent special gifts at special times, Jacqueline wrote special notes to all of my children. And she never forgot Christmas. When Hallmark came out with those dancing snowmen, Jacqueline mailed one to our kids. THEY LOVED IT! So every year, she mailed the next one. It was something my children looked forward to as part of their Christmas traditions. Last year, she wrote me a note and sent a check saying she had just been too tired to shop for it and would I please go get them one at Hallmark for her. Of course I did and I put it in a box. The kids never knew it wasn't mailed. As long as Hallmark makes these, we will continue the tradition. And speaking of Christmas, Heath's birthday is on Christmas Day so another Christmas tradition my kids have is knowing that there is the "airplane man" to call on Christmas day so we can sing happy birthday. Jacqueline's birthday was March 13th and 2010 was her 90th birthday. My parents and I sent her a dozen roses this year. She said they were beautiful! I wish I had a picture. She always, always, always sent notes for birthdays. I knew she wasn't doing well when I didn't receive one for my March 30th birthday. I believe it is the only year she ever missed.
My kids and I were blessed to visit with Heath and Jacqueline on Sunday, April 11th - just 8 days before she died. Somehow, I knew it would be my last time seeing her. When I hugged her goodbye, I held her face with one hand and her hand with my other hand for a moment and made sure she heard me say I loved her. She told me she loved me too. She was fun that day - even talking about how she had watched the Duke/Butler game You see, Jacqueline graduated from Duke (she told me that day she graduated in 1941) and she was a TRUE BLUE DUKE FAN!!!!!!! She loved that I married a man on his way to Duke and was so proud of him when he finished his Master of Divinity. And his Christmas presents usually were something to do with Duke and she would always say buying the Duke things were some of her favorite Christmas shopping! Her words about this year's Duke/Butler game were "It was a good game - Butler almost got them."
And as I left Jacqueline's house to go to another friend's house in Ellerbe to meet her first grandchild, I had to stop, wipe my eyes for a while, and regain my composure before I could go on.
I will miss Jacqueline. I know she is with God and I would not wish her away from Him, but I will miss her presence on earth. My family and I will be at her funeral on Thursday at 1 pm and her casket will be at the altar where I first joined a church, at the altar where I prayed so many prayers as I cleaned it during my high school job of cleaning the church, and at the altar where I married my Rob.
Grief is so hard. But it only means the love was so great!
written today - right now - on July 7, 2012
Grief is so hard. But it only means the love was so great!
