Me

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today is my birthday.

It is my 47^th birthday as a daughter.

It is my 47^th birthday as a sister.

It is my 22^nd birthday as a stepmother.

It is my 19^th birthday as a mother.

 It is my 6^th birthday as a grandparentless granddaughter.

It is my 4^th birthday as a widow.

I have a college degree in Elementary Education (K-6).

I have a diploma in Child Day Care.

I have 1 year of college as a Counseling major

and some training and practicums in that field.

I started working at age 14 (which required getting working papers and obtaining a social security number since that was the first time it was ever needed).

I have worked and earned income as

a clerk in a pharmacy;

a full-time summer and holiday nanny;
a church janitor at the church where my father was pastor;

a day care worker in 3 different day cares;

a public school Teacher Assistant in a Behaviorally Emotionally Handicapped classroom;

a physical therapy assistant;

a secretary at a counseling center and then as the office manager at the same center;

a Teacher Assistant to an English professor;

an Elementary School teacher in public school;

an owner and operator of a state licensed home day care after having Anna - providing care for 6 children under the age of 1 (2 children alternated days thus filling 1 spot);

a transcriptionist for a poetry company;

and I last earned a paycheck as a part-time secretary for the church where my late husband was then the pastor.

All of which has given me a vast variety of earned experiences and knowledge.

I have worked and earned no income as

a preacher’s daughter;

a sister, cousin, niece, aunt, and friend;

a person who built my own hutch when I wanted one for my new dishes;

a wife to my late husband 

and the caretaker of his memory since his death;

the accounts payable and receivable department for our household 

(although the payable part was much more active than the receivable part)

a mother and a stepmother;

(my children were and are terrific children 

and I would not change a thing about any of them 

and I love them all to the moon and back 

and CHERISH every one of those unpaid moments I had with each of them)…

…a pregnant woman who had miserable pregnancies and threw up so much throughout the pregnancies that it’s still hard to believe I got that way ON PURPOSE 3 times

(but still so very thankful to God that I was able to get that way to begin with);

a mother, 3 times, to breastfed infants in cloth diapers, with the 2^nd one being born 6 weeks before our Crystol graduated high school and the last one being born when Crystol was in college and was 20 years old and that last one, well –

he cried all of the time (and yes, that does deserve its own line);

a mother of teenagers (and yes, that does deserve its own line);

a mother of a college aged adult daughter (and yes, that does deserve its own line);

and now, 14 years later, a second time as a mother of the next college aged adult daughter 

(and yes, that does deserve its own line);

a preacher’s wife;

a partner to my late husband during his 17 years of ministry;

a supporter, emotionally and financially, to my late husband as he earned his Master of Divinity degree from Duke Divinity School;
a full-time typist, secretary, and all things office related to my late preacher husband;

a supporter to my late husband throughout his long, hard years of becoming an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church;

a caretaker for and to my late husband during his medical needs;

as a home school teacher to Anna, Wesley, and Luke since each of them started Kindergarten (keeping 3 different curriculums going simultaneously with 1 child struggling AND OVERCOMING dyslexia and possibly a slight case of dysgraphia though that part was never diagnosed);

a school adminstrator of our home school as I was blessed to confer the high school diploma to 

1 of those students in May 2014;  

an excellent packer and mover as I’ve lived in 11 different towns and was in charge of my parents’ last 3 moves as well and I would have to call Crystol to even remember how many times I helped move her during her college years; 

a counselor and encourager to many who asked;

a retirement planner for my parents when my dad could no longer drive and had to retire in his 50^thyear of ministry and my mom retired in her 48^th year of teaching piano;

a rehabilitation center for my parents after hospital stays and broken bones;

a diabetic specialist for my VERY brittle diabetic dad;

a nutrition specialist for my dad for the reason just stated;

an insurance specialist for my late husband’s and my parents’ and my children’s medical needs;

the person who takes my parents to their doctor appointments and who knows every “ologist”(cardiologist, etc.) in the 60 mile radius of their home and the person who still remembers all of the doctors I used to take them to at the previous places they lived;

the accounts payable and receivable department for my parents’ household;

a home health care nurse for my parents;

a life coach for my parents as they went from active employment to retired to needed daily care to needed many times a day care;

a pharmacy technician for my parents’ medications (learning much more about the over 30 daily medications they take than I ever thought I’d know);

a person who learned a lot as we moved a 70 year old house across the road and set up a “new” homestead for retirement (that I ended up living in way too early when Rob died) and is slowly updating and remodeling parts of it;

a person who knows about all things funeral related – from how to write my 52 year old husband’s obituary to buying a casket to planning the service itself;

a mom who became a grief counselor for my children as they dealt with and are still dealing with the death of their father;

a mom who had to help her children forge new identities for themselves as every single thing about their lives changed with the death of their father, from where they lived to where they went to church to how their daily lives would run;

an expert on my own grief as I’ve mourned my late husband and learned to go on living without him (because one thing I have definitely learned is that no one person ever grieves the same as another so therefore, I am the only one who knows how I’ve felt and grieved and that, unfortunately, makes me an expert on my own);

a person who gets up every day and continues to move forward even though there are still days I would rather pull up the covers and not face the reality of my world;

an ONLY parent to my fatherless children;

a happy and blessed observer and admirer as my children grow and develop in the way that they are – seeing their father’s and my influences shining through as they become the persons I feel God intended them to be;

and lastly, but really first and most importantly,

I am a follower of Christ –

no more and no less than a servant of His teachings

as I’ve walked my path on this earth.

All of which has given me a vast variety of earned experiences and knowledge.

However, the main thing that I’ve learned

in my 47 years of being on this earth and through all of the above is that

I have only begun to scratch the surface

of all there is to know and to feel.

And one thing I have always known is that for as long as my memory has been recording, 

I have always strived to live by the following rule:

I hope everyone that I have ever come in contact with over my 47 years has been able to tell that this was how I have lived and will continue to live “for as long as ever I can.”

The really great thing about this rule for me though, is that I was an adult before I knew that it was “John Wesley’s rule.”   

It’s just what I learned at home.  And that was the best gift ever.

And I hope and pray that when my children look back over their lives when they are older 

(or even now) 

that they can say the same!  

Life Today

My dad’s had some pretty bad tooth pain since Sunday.  Turns out he has a tooth that is broken/split (I think close to the gum line) and will have to be surgically removed.  Since we had gotten the pain under control, they didn’t consider it “emergency” so it will not be removed until next Tuesday.  I am so thankful it wasn’t one of his wisdom teeth!!!!!  Thanks to everyone who prayed for his pain to subside.  It, along with the Tylenol, sure has been working!  

And keep praying – we have a week to go!   

(His oral surgeon’s office is the prettiest, most comfortable waiting room 

of all the places I take my parents – 

it’s almost fun to go there and have to wait!)

Today was my Wesley’s last day of Driver’s Education.  I am proud of my soon to be driver.  

All we have to do now is wait on the 15th birthday and study for the written test to get his permit!!

  

I am also proud of my Anna!  

She had a presentation at college today and she thinks it went well.

And please pray for my Luke too.  

He has a sore throat and the sniffles but no fever.

Not sure yet if it's allergies or sickness.

3 1/2 Years

Today’s date marks 3 ½ years.

So hard to believe that much time has passed.

So hard to believe it hasn’t been longer.

3 ½ years.

The Rob I knew would be proud of how his children have fared since he died.

He would be happy our oldest, his firstborn, is married and, with her husband, just bought their first house.  He would be, like I am, happy that Crystol is planting her very own roots.  He would hope and pray, as I do, that those roots will hold deep and strong and sprout all kinds of
lovely “up sprigs” of love, happiness, harmony, and joy!  

He would be so proud of his firstborn.

He would be proud of our firstborn for overcoming her dyslexia and not settling for any kind of easy way out in life – for pursuing her dreams, even the ones he never got the privilege of knowing Anna has – and he would be proud of her for everything she has accomplished in her first year of college as she pursues her goals.  He would wish her success in every class she has to conquer.  And he would be loving the discussions they would be having over the latest books they had read.  

He would be so proud of our firstborn.

He would be proud of our first son.  He would probably be constantly picking with him about the fact that our son is now 6 feet 3 inches tall – a good amount taller than he was.  He would be proud of Wesley for doing well in this thing called Driver’s Education.  He would be, just as he was with his older 2, thrilled to watch them accomplish this rite of passage of teenagerhood.  He would have also enjoyed watching him shave for the first time and I believe they would have had the best father/son relationship – filled with hours of talking and joking.  And he would be proud of how Wesley has automatically stepped up to being such a help to me.  

He would be so proud of our oldest son.

He would be proud of our baby, our youngest son.  Just as he did when he was living, he would probably be treating him much as a grandpa would be treating a grandchild.  After all, Rob was 1 month shy of turning 44 when Luke was born.  He would be thrilled that our Luke has only strengthened his ingenuity in designing and building things with such intricate skill that I still can’t figure out if he is bent to becoming an artist or an engineer or maybe both.  He would be proud of him for always being ahead in school work
(the only one of our children to have that motivation).  

He would be so proud of our little man.

And I think he would be proud of me – of how I’ve continued our once shared mission in what we wanted for our children and for each other.  I think he would be proud that I choose joy – through tears at times – but it is still joy that I seek and it is joy that I choose.  Joy can take on many forms but the kind that comes after the agony is the sweetest I’ve known.  Don’t get me wrong.  There are still days that I cry.  There are still days I cannot believe he’s gone.  There are still days I would prefer to stay in bed.  But I think he would be proud that, even on those days, I still choose joy and I get up and try to do my best with our children and maybe help a few others as well.  

And he would be happy that I’ve started to dream a little myself.

P.S.  And at this very moment, he would be watching the Duke game 

and I would be watching that one vein popping out on his forehead.

Great memories!