He would have been 56
today.
This will be the 4th
time that we will observe that day without him.
On some days, it
still seems impossible that he’s gone.
On some days, it
seems so long ago that
he WAS alive
it almost seems that
he was only a dream
and was not really
truly ever here.
Of course, I know he
was.
I remember…
…almost every detail.
And, of course,
I gave birth to 3 of
his 4 children
and I see parts of
him in all 4 of his children.
So I know he was
here.
I know it wasn’t a
dream.
But on days like
this…
…on what would have
been his 56th birthday…
...and while looking
through all of the photos of him to post on his day…
(the photos that will never change again because
updating them is now a thing of the past)
…these are the days
that it’s hard to believe that I had him for 18 years.
But oh how much I
remember when I do look through the photos.
So, for those of you
who knew him,
I will post the
photos today for you to remember with me.
For those of you who
didn’t know him,
well, you missed out.
His children and I
were blessed.
He would have been 56
today.
And, even though we
are all okay,
we are living life to
the best of our abilities in the present,
and we are looking forward to the future,
we
miss
him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What I wrote on his birthday 2 years ago in 2013
Fifty-Four
He would have been 54 today.
I was married to Rob for 18 of his 52 birthdays. I have photos from every single one of them. And as I've looked at them to decide what to put on the blog, it was great to re-live those moments.
On the pictures from the first birthday I spent with Rob, I noticed the Duke Divinity School video in the background. This was when he was preparing to prove to Duke that he should be accepted and the video was about the process. He was accepted and graduated with lots of gratitude.
18 days into our marriage, this was the first birthday I spent with my Rob. Caleb (my first cousin who had his own room at my house) had made him a cake and colored a coffee cup for him. Rob and I both had to work that day so I bought him a birthday cookie.
Then there was 1999 when I gave him a 40th birthday party and inivited his churches and all of our family and friends. We had almost 200 people there.
There was his 50th (which was on a Sunday). The church he was serving gave him a covered dish party after church.
And then there was the last birthday we spent together before his death. We went to the beach with Jamie, Sally, Jay, Sarah, and Kaylee to celebrate. We had a great time!
And there was SO MUCH LIVING for us in between that first and last birthday.
Birthdays are about celebration of LIFE. That is what I'm trying to do. I am trying my best to celebrate the life our God gave to my Rob. I am working hard to make sure the children know what his life meant to so many people. I am trying to honor the marriage we had and the life we had together while at the same time, I do feel single again. I am celebrating the father he was to his four children and his influence on them while at the same time knowing that I am a single mother.
I do not know what my future holds. But as I've looked through these photos, I know I've had a great past. And although I am not spending my time LIVING in the past, there are still so many days that I'm sad that it IS the PAST. A part of me is gone and I don't think that will ever change. But on most days, I can remember that I enjoyed many wonderful seasons of life with my Rob and I can smile.
For all of those seasons and for all of those memories, I will always be grateful and I will forever feel blessed.
And now today, on what would have been his 54th birthday, I can smile as I know he is spending his second birthday with Jesus
. There's just no thing better that I could wish for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What I wrote last year on his birthday.
January 18, 2014.
Fifty Five
My Rob would be 55 YEARS OLD TODAY - if he were still living.
You can read what I wrote about him last year on his birthday
here.
As I pass the day called his birthday for the 3rd time without him,
I am ever more grateful for all of the days I did have with him.
As I said to Rob in the letter I wrote to him for his 40th birthday party:
"And mostly, I have been taught in an ever true way that GOD IS FAITHFUL! We have had to rely on HIM for so many things and HE has NEVER disappointed us!
Just as I couldn't have known 5 years ago what trials we would go through nor could I have imagined what growth we would achieve, as individuals and as a couple. I never imagined how truly "one" two people can be. You see, I truly feel that you are a part of me and I a part of you. When I looked at you sleeping just now (and listened to your snoring), all I could think about iswhat all I would have missed by not having you in my life (okay, so I wouldn't really miss the snoring all that much). I'm so grateful that God allowed our paths to cross! So you see, Robert Edward Shelton, I would have married you sooner because I cannot imagine a better life than the one I have with you and if I could do it over again, I would marry you 6 months
EARLIER!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1959 - 6 months old
Kindergarten
High School - Licking Heights High School, Ohio
Bachelor Degree in Speech Communication - UNC-Greensboro
Master of Divinity - Duke University
For his 40th birthday, I threw him a big party -
inviting all of our families and both of the churches he was serving at the time.
He had a great time!
He even wrote me a fancy thank you note!
I so loved my Rob.
I miss him.
We all do.
But I am so happy, grateful, and blessed that,
for a while (3 months shy of 18 years),
I had the privilege of calling him
my husband
and hearing him call me
his wife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the letter I wrote to my Rob 15 years ago
for his 40th birthday.
