26

 

Happy 26th Birthday, Wesley Robert!

So many miles apart

but always in my heart!

I'm so thankful Alexcina 

made your favorite

chocolate cake!

I love you so much!

33 Years

 

33 years ago right now, I was on my first date with my Rob. 

It was such a sweet, magical evening. 

For which I will always be thankful.

 

What follows is what I wrote 11 years ago in 2015 about that special night:

Thursday, April 16, 2015

4-16-15

22 years ago right now, I was on my first date with my Rob.

22 years ago tonight, we had dinner at our mutual friends’ house.

22 years ago tonight, he walked in the door with photos of Crystol and, after saying hello, proceeded to “introduce” me to his daughter and tell me all about her. 

He made it clear from the beginning that she was his world.

22 years ago tonight, we played Pictionary with our friends after dinner.

22 years ago tonight, after the dinner and the game,

our friends had to get their children to bed

so we said our goodbyes

and walked out of their house.

Not wanting to end the evening,

but since it was 11 p.m.,

we got into my car to talk.

We talked in our friends’ driveway until 3:45 a.m.

If you know me at all,

I’m sure you’re not surprised

that we could talk that late into the night.

However, if you knew Rob at all,

you’d be surprised that

it was Rob that did almost all of the talking.

22 years ago tonight, he told me he was called to the ministry. 

He said he had no idea how he was going to make it happen

but that he was bound and determined to see it through.

(He later said he told me then so I would have a chance to run if I wanted to).

22 years ago tonight, he told me his life story, at least the outline of it.

I listened intently and hung on his every word.

22 years ago tonight, I waited for him to kiss me.

It didn’t happen.

I was disappointed.

But it certainly made it more special

when he did

FINALLY

kiss me when we were on our third date.

22 years ago tonight, I started falling in love

with the man I would marry 8 months later.

It was a wonderful night.

One that we ended in prayer –

with Rob asking God to guide us

in this relationship and show us how to proceed.

He did ask if he could hold my hand while we were praying.

Of course I said yes.

And after he finished praying, he didn’t let go of my hand.

He told me later that he kept trying to think of more things to say

just so he could keep holding my hand.

We talked for another hour.

Today was a long day

(which I may or may not write about later)

with it starting with me signing my name or initials and

today’s date at least 20 times.

So, over and over again this morning,

I had to write 4-16-15.

Only twice did I write 4-16-93.

And I didn’t shed a single tear

even though every single time I wrote the date,

a gentle little stab of pain coursed through my veins.

Although it was MUCH better than it

has been in previous years,

it’s still there.

The reality that it’s over rarely hits me hard anymore.

But the memory of the magic of that night

is one that is still so very bittersweet.

Since I can no longer celebrate that date with Rob,
I celebrated it with our sons.

Although they had no idea that’s why we went.

I will always remember all of our “times” and “dates”

and will probably continue to write about them

so that the ones I know are reading my blog

(especially one I talked with tonight)

can be encouraged that, as time goes by,

you will learn to live in the “simultaneous” world

of remembering the great times

(and sometimes maybe even falling apart at those memories)

but also living in your “now”

and going forward.

For me, I no longer feel the need to outwardly

make everything about what was.

Because my life is no longer in what was.

It is in what is.

My sons and I had a great time.

We went to a local place they had never been to before.

(Anna was at her college classes).

It’s a place that’s only open for lunch

and because of homeschooling

and caretaking of my parents

lunch has always been a hard time to get away.

But we made it today.

The food was delicious.

And the company was great!

Even if I did have to tell my boys to stop kicking each other a couple of times!

And I am thankful that,

up until the very end,

God answered Rob's prayer that he prayed 

on the night of our very first date.

God guided us up until the very end.

And He is still showing me how to proceed -

as the caretaker of our children,

and as the caretaker of my Rob's memory.

I am blessed.

 

 

Ringing The Bell For The Last Chemo!

 

"Joy cometh in the morning!"

My Anna rang the bell 

for the completion of her chemotherapy treatments

today at 2:20 p.m.

We are SO excited!

Thank you for all of your prayers!!!

Anna's LAST Chemo!

 

It's still surreal to type my daughter has cancer.

I don't know that I will ever completely process that.

But it's another kind of surreal to type that 

TOMORROW IS HER LAST CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT!!!

I am SO excited!

I CANNOT WAIT to watch her ring that bell of completion!

She says that, although she is thankful it's the last one, she is not excited yet because she dreads the chemicals so much. Unless you've gone through it, I don't think you can understand what it's like to have poison pushed into your veins. I've only watched it happen. I cannot imagine what it's been like for Anna. And the side effects are horrendous. Nausea, weakness, overall feeling horrible for weeks. 

But I am so thankful for that target-seeking poison.

It is the reason my daughter will live.

Please pray for a good chemo day for my Anna.

That they will be able to access her port first try to get her labs.

That she will have great nurses.

That she will not have any reactions to the chemo.

That she will not vomit.

That she will not have restless arms or legs.

And that she will have minimal side effects during the chemo

and after she gets home.

I cannot begin to tell you how much 

your prayers, 

your support, 

and your love 

have meant to me 

and to her 

during this journey.

Thank you.

We love you all,

Anna's mama