Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning 2018

Christmas Eve

and 

Christmas Morning

2018

Our annual birthday cake for Jesus!

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas! 

Christmas Sunday 2018

Christmas Sunday

(Sunday, December 23, 2018)

Last night, I posted this next photo on Facebook with these words:

I LOVE having all 3 of my babies 

all together under my roof. 

There is nothing better than drifting off to sleep 

listening to them talking and laughing! 

❤❤❤

2018 Christmas Card

2018 Christmas Card

97 Years Ago - Grandma Caviness

97 years ago today, my grandmother,

Mary Elizabeth Flippin Caviness,

was born.

I am so glad I was born into her world.

I was blessed to have her in my life

for 41 years before her death.

From listening to her…

from observing her…

and from direct teaching from her…

I learned much.

The older I get,

the more I miss her,

and the more I wish I could

go visit her again.

The following was written on Sunday, Feb. 21, 2010

Today I had the overwhelming urge to go see my Grandmas Caviness.

To drive down the dirt road into her semi-circle drive.

To stop in front of her door and walk into her house that always had the distinct smell of books.

I wanted to walk into her living room, clear off a place to sit and then sit down and talk a while.

I wanted to search my mind for just the right thing to say about anything that would make that big smile spread across her face followed by that laugh of hers.

I wanted to feel the breeze blow over me while it was coming in the open windows on a summer evening while trying to keep my legs from sticking to the furniture.

I wanted to hear what she wanted to say about what “the children” (her younger than me grandchildren) did that day.

I wanted to see her curtains blow in the wind.

I wanted to sit in her presence while we talked about whatever came to mind.

Sometimes we agreed on stuff – sometimes we didn’t - but it was always a valued discussion.

I wanted to ask her if she wanted me to go get her anything at the store (she did not drive).

Almost always, if it was an evening visit, she would say she didn’t need anything but I always offered.

Today I had the overwhelming urge to feel my Grandma Caviness’ arms around me in that strong, tight, almost-crushing hug that can only come from a well-endowed, larger woman to a not so well endowed, tall, skinny young woman.

Today, I had the overwhelming urge to hear her say,

“Thank you for coming to see me, honey”

and then continue on to tell me goodbye and

“I love you.”

I wanted to see her as she stood on the porch calling out to me as I would get in my car,

“Come again when you can”

and then wave to her one last time as I pulled onto the dirt road

as I watched her watching me drive away.

Today I had the overwhelming urge to see my Grandma Caviness

so I shut my eyes for a few minutes and remembered.
---

Janna - one of her J's

Nannie Shelton

107 years ago today, 

Rob's grandmother, 

Annie Pearl Crutchfield Shelton, 

was born. 

I'm so glad I got to be part of her world 

from when I met her in 1993 

to her death in 2004. 

I think these photos of her 

with Paw Paw Shelton 

are my favorite 

that I ever took of her (and them). 

She was one of a kind, 

that Annie Pearl!

Luke Is 16!

My youngest is 16!

Happy Birthday to my Luke!

Luke and Wesley "All My Hope"

Joy (And Sorrow) Revisited

It is September 25, 2018.

I will meet my newest cousin today.

Little August is 3 months old 

and I am so excited to get to meet him!

Holding newborns always brings me joy

and I cannot wait! 

But when I had to write the date this morning on something,

the memories came unbidden...

as they tend to do.

7 years ago today 

was the memorial service 

at the church where my Rob was the pastor

at the time of his death.

For those who are new to my blog 

and new to our story

and to remind me to always seek JOY,

I will repost what I wrote (in 2016) about that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following was written on 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2016.

(The photo above was taken on Sunday, September 25, 2011). 

I knew today, September 25, 2016, would be hard…

…and I was right.

Last night, as I was getting clothes ready for church today,

the memories started flooding in…

…of 5 years ago

on the Saturday night after Rob’s death…

…the sounds of my kids and my nieces and nephews in the living room…

…and telling God that He was going to have to help me get through the next day.

So, last night, I asked God to help me get through today and

I determined that

I

would

purposely

try

to

find

JOY

all day long.

Not to drown out the memories

but to at least try to temper them.

For those who do not know,

my late husband was a minister.

5 years ago today was the memorial service

for my Rob held at the church where he was serving

and where we were living at the time of his death.

It was held during the 11 a.m worship service.

So many church members could not

make it to the out of town funeral

two days before.

The church needed to grieve.

And the kids and I needed to grieve with them.

We had much in common.

We were church family.

They had lost their pastor.

So had the kids and I.

Their future was uncertain.

So was ours.

I knew, though, that this memorial service was about more

than just grieving Rev. Robert Edward Shelton.

I had been involved in ministry long enough to know

that it was also the first step in corporate (group) healing.

We not only needed to all grieve together.

We also needed to all take the next step forward together.

Resuming worship.

And that’s exactly what we did.

I lovingly placed my Rob’s clergy robe and some of his stoles on one side of the altar.

A large photo of him was placed on the other side...

...in front of the pulpit.

There were beautiful flowers.

There was beautiful music.

I thought of 1 Corinthians Chapter 13

- the “love” chapter -

as I entered the church that morning...

...and how love truly does endure all things -

even going through the death of my beloved.

It was so difficult as I first glanced at the pulpit that morning.

The one Rob had stood in front of for 4 years and 3 months.

And remembering once again

that he really was dead.

Maybe only other widows/widowers will understand this.

It’s not like we ever forget our spouses are dead.

But there are certain times

(especially at only 5 days into it)

that it just hits us anew

that they’re really dead.

The district superintendent spoke at the service

and gave anyone there that day the chance to speak as well.

So many did and it was so comforting.

I don’t remember how much I did or did not cry during the service itself.

I remember the D.S. spoke on “last words.”

And we do know Rob’s last words.

Before he fell asleep with the boys while settling them down to bed,

Rob and his sons said The Lord’s Prayer together as they did every night

and the last words anyone heard Rob say were

“Good night, Wesley. I love you.”

“Good night, Luke. I love you.”

I remember watching my children intently as the D.S. spoke.

I remember watching the pulpit intently.

I remember looking at all the beautiful stained glass windows,

especially the front one,

and at the woodwork and intricate light fixtures in that church.

I had often thought about how much those light fixtures

look like the ones at the church where Rob and I were married.

And I remember turning to look at each other person who spoke.

At this point, I still felt like the preacher’s wife for this church.

I knew in my head that I was not.

But, only 5 days into it,

my heart had not caught up to that fact yet.

I remember that, as I sat there, I prayed for

“my church folks.”

So many of them were crying.

They were missing my Rob.

They were missing THEIR Rob.

My heart hurt for them.

I remember praying for whoever would fill their pulpit…

…not only the immediate interim pastor

but also who would be appointed the next June.

And I prayed for healing for us all.

After the service, the kids and I decided to take one more

“family” picture with the photo of Rob.

I remember one of the kids asking,

“Do we smile for this?”

The answer was,

“Well, he is smiling in the photo so I guess we do too.”

So we all did, except my Luke.

My then 8 year old Luke was the only one who looks like we all felt.

But I’m so happy we took it

because seeing this photo comforts me now.

I don’t look at it often but when I do,

I love the “humanness” shown in it.

I see my Luke’s necktie thrown halfway back on to his already unbuttoned shirt.

I see a little bit of my Rob’s stoles on the left side of the photo.

I see the pulpit on the right side of it.

I see the altar where Rob last served us communion.

I see the baptismal font to the left,

and the extinguished candle

and cross behind us.

All of which were/are symbolic to me and

were/are such a part of our family’s life and ministry.

I see the way we, as a family, clung together in those first days.

I see the missingness in our eyes right along with

the resolve to keep his memory alive

and a part of us as a family unit.

I see that we were forever changed.

But that we were going to be okay.

Mostly though,

I see love.

How much we had.

How hard it was to lose it.

How much we still had.

And those are the thoughts and memories from my past

that I tried to remember today

as I walked through my present.

The JOY from being loved by my Rob

that I will forever carry in my heart.

The JOY from being a part of his family

that I am still experiencing every day.

(All 4 of his children sure are some great kids)!

The JOY from being part of his job

and knowing that I will forever be blessed that I was

a certain preacher’s wife for 5 different congregations

(all of whom have remained in my heart)!

As I got ready for church this morning, I found JOY in the sounds of my kids and my nieces, nephew, and cousins getting ready for church, too.

(They were in town for a family birthday party).

At church, I found JOY as I walked in and looked around

at the beautiful stained glass windows, woodwork, and the intricate light fixtures at the church I now attend.  This church’s light fixtures also look like the ones at the church where Rob and I were married.

I found JOY as I saw the front of the bulletin and was instantly reminded of the many times Rob and I sang the song,

“Lord, You Have Come To The Lakeshore.”

I found JOY as I watched Anna, Wesley, and Luke being a part of the service yesterday

– Wesley and Luke as ushers – Anna in the choir.

Their dad would be proud.

I found JOY as I listened to Mr. Jimmie lead and sing, with vigor,

the JOY down in my heart song.

I found JOY as I listened to my Wesley (and his friend, Corey) sing

“In The Eye Of The Storm.”  They did a great job!

I found JOY knowing that God has been my Anchor and has been present with me every single time I’ve been in the eye of the storm.

I found JOY as I was watching a 4 year old young boy listen to them sing...

...and knowing that my son is being a role model for those younger than him.

I found JOY as I watched the little children at Children’s Time.  They are always so cute!

And I almost laughed out loud as I found JOY when the preacher started preaching and was preaching on JOY – in all circumstances!

I had been so intently focusing on finding JOY in the moment and not focusing on the memories that were marching through my mind during this worship service that I had not even realized that his sermon title was “JOY, Living Content Lives!”

(I was listening so intently by this point that I didn't even think to get a photo of the preacher)!

I’ll be honest and say that I did cry during church today.

Finding and choosing JOY while memories of sorrow are flooding in

is difficult at best 

The memories overwhelmed me for a few minutes during the offertory

but I tried to even find the JOY in that.

The tears reminded me that my heart has not hardened.

And those feelings of sorrow were, once again,

tempered with feelings of gratitude

that my love story with my Rob

happened at all.

As I’ve said many times,

I was blessed.

And that thought brings me JOY.

I will end with a short conversation I had last week with my Wesley

that definitely made me smile and gave me JOY.

I simply loved his perspective!

Not long after Rob died, I bought a front license plate for my vehicle

that simply says JOY.

I needed and wanted to always know and be reminded that

JOY was in front of me

no matter what my current situation was

and that I could carry JOY with me wherever I went.

As the boys and I were walking to the car last week,

I noticed a fallen leaf stuck to my front JOY plate.

I jokingly said,

“Look at that leaf trying to get in the way of my JOY.” 

Wesley quickly replied,

“Or be a part of it, Mom.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James 1: 2-4

Consider it all JOY, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing

Romans 5: 3-4

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope.