My Grandma Caviness - 92

Today is my Grandma Caviness' birthday.

(Mary Elizabeth Flippin Caviness - 
my Anna has her middle name).

She would be 92 years old if she were still living.

She died in 2009.

I still miss her.

I wrote this about her in February 2010.

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Sunday, Feb. 21, 2010

Today I had the overwhelming urge to go see my Grandmas Caviness.  

To drive down the dirt road into her semi-circle drive.  

To stop in front of her door and walk into her house that always had the distinct smell of books.  

I wanted to walk into her living room, clear off a place to sit and then sit down and talk a while.  

I wanted to search my mind for just the right thing to say about anything that would make that big smile spread across her face followed by that laugh of hers. 

I wanted to feel the breeze blow over me while it was coming in the open windows on a summer evening while trying to keep my legs from sticking to the furniture.  

I wanted to hear what she wanted to say about what “the children” (her younger than me grandchildren) did that day.  

I wanted to see her curtains blow in the wind. 

I wanted to sit in her presence while we talked about whatever came to mind.  

Sometimes we agreed on stuff – sometimes we didn’t - but it was always a valued discussion.  

I wanted to ask her if she wanted me to go get her anything at the store (she did not drive).  

Almost always, if it was an evening visit, she would say she didn’t need anything but I always offered.

Today I had the overwhelming urge to feel my Grandma Caviness’ arms around me in that strong, tight, almost-crushing hug that can only come from a well-endowed, larger woman to a not so well endowed, tall, skinny young woman. 

 Today, I had the overwhelming urge to hear her say, 

“Thank you for coming to see me, honey” 

and then continue on to tell me goodbye and 

“I love you.” 

I wanted to see her as she stood on the porch calling out to me as I would get in my car, 

“Come again when you can” 

and then wave to her one last time as I pulled onto the dirt road 

as I watched her watching me drive away.

Today I had the overwhelming urge to see my Grandma Caviness 

so I shut my eyes for a few minutes and remembered.

And as I started to eat my bowl of homemade soup I’d made,

I dug in my silverware drawer for one of the spoons I use a lot of the time now.  

There was some silverware left in her house when we got it.  

It was marked for good will but I washed it and kept it there until Dec. 2008 

when I brought it home with me.  

These few spoons, forks, and knives are what I reach for on days that I just want to remember for a little bit.  

Today was one of those days and I smiled as I ate my soup with her spoon.

Today I really missed her.  Today I really enjoyed remembering her.

Janna – one of her J’s

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And today, December 12, 2013, on what would have been her 92nd birthday, 

I enjoyed remembering again.