It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

New Year’s Day 1994 was a Saturday.

Rob would have Crystol on that day.

And we sure didn’t want to wait another 6 months until summer vacation to get married.

So New Year’s Day 1994 was set to be our wedding day.

It made perfect sense…

…THEN.

But NOW…

…I would love to change it.

I wish our anniversary was just on a normal date.

Not a holiday that everyone observes and comes with

“Happy New Year” spoken all around.

Not a holiday that starts with the kiss that I no longer get –

the traditional midnight New Year's kiss that was also my anniversary kiss as well. 

And then the kiss was always followed by "Happy Anniversary" wishes from our children and other guests that were always at our house and a midnight phone call from Crystol (if she was not with us) to wish us "Happy Anniversary."

Even though it does not hurt like it did (thank God), this coming January 1^st, 2014 anniversary seems to be bothering me so much more than last year’s anniversary and maybe even more than the first anniversary after he died.

I suppose it’s because it would be our 20^th. 

We had excitedly, for years, talked about how we would mark that milestone. 

We were going to take a cruise

or go back to Disneyworld

or go to the beach

or rent a cabin in the mountains

but at the very least, he had planned to take 2 straight weeks off of work

(never in his 17 years of ministry did he take 2 straight weeks - 2 Sundays in a row - 

of vacation time).

Of course, when we made our plans, we didn’t know

he would die 3 ½ months shy of our 18^th.

So, here I am, 3 days before what would have been our 20^th wedding anniversary

bracing myself to observe our anniversary for the 3^rd time

SO VERY ALONE.