11

My Luke is 11 today.

 We celebrated on Thanksgiving Day.

We made and built his cakes for the party.

He had so much fun arranging his Minecraft scene.

And just like all of my children's birthday cakes since Anna's first birthday, we cut Luke's birthday cake with his dad's and my wedding cake knife and server.

We had lots of family to celebrate with us.

My Luke had a great party day!

And today, well, we are spending the day together.

That's what he wanted.

And I'm loving it!

Luke, you are my youngest.  You are the one who gets the least of a lot of things.  You are the one who gets the most of a lot of things.  You are the one who benefits from all I learned from the older three.  You are the one who doesn't get to do some things because I learned better with the older three. It just works that way when you're the youngest.  But you're also the one when we're on the way to the emergency room to get stitches for your knee, I know from so many times of doing the emergency room thing before, that there's time to run in the convenience store to get you the chocolate milk you wanted.  And you are the one who gets to do more of certain things at an earlier age because it's what the older ones are doing and you just get to go along for the ride.  

You are our youngest.  When we made the decision to try and have you, your dad said you were the child of "his old age" (your dad was 1 month shy of 44 when you were born).  You are our youngest.  You were the one that your dad acted more like a grandpa with.  You are our youngest.  That birth order brings lots of wonderful and not so wonderful things.  You get babied - that's for sure.  But you also have the hardest of some things.  You, unfortunately, are the one who has to work so hard at even remembering your dad.  That fact, when I think about it for more than a minute or two, always makes my heart break all over again.  And I am never unaware that it's my responsibility to help you remember your father.

But all that you've been through at your young age - including all of your scars - have made you who you are.  

The other night when we were on the way to the emergency room, you started praying out loud, asking our God to help you through what was going to happen.  You were very detailed with what you asked God for.  You were scared of the pain that getting stitches might cause.  But you were asking God for help.  And He did.  

While we were there, you were telling one of the nurses about all of your scars.  He smiled as he listened and responded with, "If that's the worst that ever happens to you, you'll be good."  You answered with, "Well, it's not the worst that's happened to me.  My dad died.  When I was 8.  If I can get through that, I can do this."  The nurse said, "I'm sorry about your dad, little buddy and you're right - you can do this."  And you did.  

When we were leaving, you sought out each nurse and the doctor to say "thank you and have a good evening."  And you made them all smile.  

When we were on the way home, you wanted Christmas music playing and you were singing the songs - echoing the lines in "Do You Hear What I Hear."  And you made me smile.

You have always been your own little person - from the very beginning.  

Your perspective on life has always been unique.

And I am so very sorry that now you have the added perspective of 

"If I can get through my dad dying, I can do this." 

However, with every day, I am constantly amazed at your growth.  You are the most fantastic little guy.  Your sense of humor, if one takes the time to listen to you, is developing into the most delightful thing.  Your dad would love it.  I do.  Your reliance on God, at just 11 years old, is amazing to me.  Your dad would love it.  I do.  Your tenacity to live your life on your terms is commendable.  Your dad would love it. I do.  You don't let many people hear it, but you have a great, pure singing voice.  Your dad would love it.  I do.  And even though you can't stand anything having to do with school, you are very intelligent - often times figuring out things before I even finish the directions.  Your dad would love that.  I do.  You are the best lego designer and builder - in actual legos and on the computer program of it - I really feel that you could grow up to be an engineer - if it weren't for that school thing.  Your dad did get to love seeing your designing and building skills and I still do love seeing it.  

Luke Edward, on this day - your 11th birthday, I just want to say that I am looking forward to seeing what all God is going to use you for in your lifetime!  

I'm enjoying watching as you grow and move forward in life each day!  

But right now, my son, I am enjoying and am proud of the 11 year old that you are!

I love you, Luke Edward!  I always have and I always will! 

Love, Mama