Janna's View

Saturday, January 18, 2025

66

Saturday, January 18, 2025

Dear my Rob,

You would be 66 years old today.

I never plan what I’m going to write for your birthday blogs.

I just sit down and start typing so here goes.

You had hoped to retire earlier but you had said over and over

that this 66^th year would be the year that you would

DEFINTELY retire

since Luke would finish college in 2025!

Luke will finish his bachelor’s degree in 2025

and it still saddens me to think you won’t be here to see it.

Wesley will also have a graduation this year.

By May, he will have earned his master’s degree.

Before the end of 2025, your 4 children will have had 11 graduations.

I hate that you were only alive for 3 of those graduations.

I hate that your children know what it’s like to live life without their father

for over 13 years now.

You would be so proud of those 4 children of yours!

And you would be celebrating right along with them!

You would be helping them to throw their graduation caps in the air

so I could get just the right picture!

Some other big news is that Luke is engaged!

On December 22, 2024,

Luke asked Lauren to marry him

and she said yes!

They’re planning a 2025 wedding!

We are all so excited!

But we have all voiced that we will miss you at their wedding.

Since Crystol and Alan married 11 months after your death,

their wedding was the first one without you.

Luke and Lauren’s will be the second.

Life moves forward.

None of us have remained stagnant.

Crystol loves her Alan and their pups (our grand-dogs).

Alan enjoys being a professor and Crystol loves the new job she started,

especially since she gets to work from home!

Anna is still teaching and is spending a lot of time with her brothers and me.

Wesley is in love with his girlfriend, Alexcina,

and they are both finishing up their master’s degrees.

(I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of an engagement from them

before your next birthday letter)!

Luke and his Lauren will finish their bachelor’s degrees in 2025.

And, by the end of 2025,

Luke will be married to Lauren and will no longer be a bachelor!

So we move forward.

But,

as one of your children quips to me often,

“Yep, still miss him!”

We all still miss you.

So today, on your birthday, we will celebrate your life.

The kids and I will go out to eat.

I will get steak – your favorite food (mine, too).

We will talk about you,

look at photos,

and share stories.

Quite simply,

we will remember

you.

Love,

Your Janna

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will be posting lots of photos so the kids and I can all smile at the memories.

Hope they make you smile, too!

I will also post links to what I've written before on Rob's birthdays

in case you would like to read them or see more photos.

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2013/01/fifty-four.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2014/01/fifty-five.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2015/01/fifty-six_18.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2016/01/fifty-seven.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2017/01/58.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2018/01/59.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2019/01/60.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2020/01/61.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2021/01/62.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2022/01/63.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2023/01/64.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2024/01/65.html

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

31 Years

31 years ago today.

Sweet memories.

Still miss him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those who are new to my story

or are new widows or widowers, I am reposting what I wrote early on about what I did

the first time I crossed January 1st after Rob's death.

For me, it has always helped to read the stories of others

so maybe my story will help someone else.

If you make it the end of that, you will also see that I am posting links

to all that I have written on the anniversaries of our wedding.

***********************************************************

Written on Tuesday, January 1, 2013

January 1st

Today, January 1, 2013, would have been Rob’s and my 19^th wedding anniversary.

Instead, I am observing our wedding anniversary for the second time without him.

(January 1, 1994)

I did not make plans for today other than taking home some of Anna’s friends who spent the night with us last night. I knew that this year, by God’s grace, I did not need to be as intentional about how I spent the day as I did last year. I knew that today, by God’s grace, I would be okay.

And even though it is still so difficult to believe that my Rob is dead and I am his widow instead of his wife, I have been okay today.

However, last year was different. I had not lived it yet so I didn’t know how the day would be. But I knew that for me, I needed to be intentional about observing the first wedding anniversary without him. January 1^st, 2012 was a Sunday so I decided to worship that day at Ellerbe United Methodist Church where Rob and I were married in 1994. As a teenager, I spent a lot of time in that church while my dad was pastor there. I was the janitor there in high school. And I spent so much time at that altar. Although I only told 2 people ahead of time (in case I woke up and did not feel like going), I prearranged to have Ellerbe UMC to myself during the afternoon (while a high school friend kept my children at her house) so that I could be alone with my God and my memories during the wedding hour.

I knew there was nothing that was going to make that day better so I decided that spending the afternoon alone with God at the place where I gained what I now have lost would help me the most.

I knew there would be more crying than praying at the altar that day but I also knew God would understand the language of my tears...

…and that afternoon, as I watched the video of the wedding (something Rob and I always did on our anniversary)

and as I took pictures of my wedding veil and pictures of our wedding rings

and pictures of the video - catching moments that Rob and I grinned and smiled over each year as we watched -

and as I remembered our marriage and as I prayed…

…I knew that no translation of my suffering was needed…

…I could feel God holding me just as surely as I can feel the hugs from my children each day…

...and just as I wrote in the poem on our wedding program years ago...

"There's a power through Him that takes me through every day"

I felt His power push me on...

...and as I wrote years ago and felt on January 1, 1994 and January 1, 2012...

"No love is greater"

…and I knew, yet again, that I would be okay…

…that God’s grace would be sufficient for that day…

…AND for the rest of my life.

*************************************************************

For those who are new to my blog or are new widows or widowers or for those who just want to revisit them, I am posting links to all of my other wedding anniversary posts.

2013
https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2013/01/january-1st.html

2014
https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2014/01/20-years.html

2015
https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2015/01/21-years.html

2016

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2016/01/22-years.html

2017

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2017/01/wedding-anniversary.html

2018

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2018/01/24.html

2019

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2019/01/silver-wedding-anniversary.html

2020