Janna's View: 22 Years

January 1, 2016

Today would be my 22^ndwedding anniversary.

Instead, I am crossing our anniversary for the 5th time since Rob's death

and I am living my 1,565^th day without him.

One Thousand,

Five Hundred,

Sixty Five

days.

I miss him.

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What I wrote in 2015:

Thursday, January 1, 2015

21 Years

21 years ago today, at our 2 p.m. wedding, I became Mrs. Robert Edward Shelton.

Even though our marriage ended with Rob’s death in Sept. 2011,

I will always be thankful that I was blessed

to know how it feels to have loved well

and to have been loved well.

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What I wrote in 2014:

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

20 Years

20 years ago today...

...at our 2 p.m. wedding...

...my daddy walked me down the aisle...

...and I became...

...Mrs. Robert Edward Shelton.

Today, I am observing our wedding anniversary without him...

...for the 3rd time.

I will forever be grateful for the years God gave me with my Rob

and I will forever be grateful for the family God gave us.

I have been blessed.

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What I wrote in 2013:

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

January 1st

Today, January 1, 2013, would have been Rob’s and my 19^th wedding anniversary.

Instead, I am observing our wedding anniversary for the second time without him.

(January 1, 1994)

I did not make plans for today other than taking home some of Anna’s friends who spent the night with us last night. I knew that this year, by God’s grace, I did not need to be as intentional about how I spent the day as I did last year. I knew that today, by God’s grace, I would be okay.

And even though it is still so difficult to believe that my Rob is dead and I am his widow instead of his wife, I have been okay today.

However, last year was different. I had not lived it yet so I didn’t know how the day would be. But I knew that for me, I needed to be intentional about observing the first wedding anniversary without him. January 1^st, 2012 was a Sunday so I decided to worship that day at Ellerbe UnitedMethodist Church where Rob and I were married in 1994. As a teenager, I spent a lot of time in that church while my dad was pastor there. I was the janitor there in high school. And I spent so much time at that altar. Although I only told 2 people ahead of time (in case I woke up and did not feel like going), I prearranged to have Ellerbe UMC to myself during the afternoon (while a high school friend kept my children at her house) so that I could be alone with my God and my memories during the wedding hour.

I knew there was nothing that was going to make that day better so I decided that spending the afternoon alone with God at the place where I gained what I now have lost would help me the most.