Marking Time And Dates And Missing

I know 5 people who are widows or widowers

who all are facing or have faced hard memories

as they mark time and dates

on the calendar this week and last.

Marking time and dates

and just plain missing

your spouse and co-parent is so hard,

especially at the beginning and at the “firsts.”

Whether it be a year since the spouse passed

or a month

or two months

or a child’s birthday

or the day they met

or their first date

or the day they found out about the cancer

or whatever might have been “their” day,

it’s all just so hard.

I remember well.

For me,

at 3 ½ years out,

these days come and go with a lot less pain than they used to,

but it can all pop right back up

when I happen to be watching

Duke win the NCAA championship

for the first time since Rob died

and my oldest son tells me how much he misses

watching Duke games with his dad.

So please say a prayer for these folks I know

(God knows their names)

as each begins to be

or settles into being

the caretaker of his or her spouse’s memory

and as each figures out how that memory

fits into their lives now

(because that is different for every family.)

And, if you happen to know folks in this position,

PLEASE send them a quick text, email, or FB message,

or give them a quick call

just to let them know you remember

and you’re thinking of them.

It helps – at least it did for me.

Because the saddest thing for most of us is

when no one else seems to even remember the person

who was your life.