January 1, 2024
I have been a Shelton for 30 years
today.
This photo is a still
shot from our wedding video
which shows our
smiles at the exact moment
Rob and I were
pronounced
husband and wife.
Almost 18 of those Shelton years
(17 years, 8 ½ months
to be exact)
were spent as a wife,
building our family as a team.
The remaining 12 of
those Shelton
years
(12 years, 3 ½ months
to be exact)
have been spent as
Rob’s widow,
leading our family alone.
I've done the best that I could.
Since I became
Crystol’s stepmother on my wedding day
and then I gave birth to
Anna, Wesley, and Luke,
all 30 of those Shelton years have been
spent parenting.
All of my Shelton years have been
learning years.
I would not say any
of them were easy.
From seminary
to moving
to being pregnant
(and sick the whole time)
to having those children
while not living near family support
to ordination
to good ministry
to trying ministry
to taking care of
parents
and so on and so on…
…and then from
watching my husband die
to watching my
children watch their daddy die
to learning how to
live as ½ of what I was
to learning how to
only parent our kids
to learning what it
means to be a widow in every aspect of life
to moving forward
to finding joy again
to facing new
heartbreaks
to taking care of
parents
to watching children
graduate and move forward in their lives
and so on and so on…
none of my Shelton years have been
easy years.
I suppose that's the way it is for most people living life.
But I am so very thankful
for the good times that have been
in each one of those
years!
And I am so very thankful
for the blessings that have come
with each year that I
have been a Shelton!
Since Rob died, I don’t
really look forward
to January 1st
of each year.
In fact,
there’s a dread
as the anniversary of
my wedding day draws near.
But 2023 was not a
good year for me.
For reasons I will
not go into on my blog,
it was actually a bad
year in general for me.
So, as January 1st,
2024 drew near,
the 30th anniversary
of my wedding,
I had started looking
forward to it.
For, with it, a new
year would be starting!
Just as I stood 30
years ago today
and started a new
year by marrying my Rob,
today,
on January 1st,
2024,
I get to stand,
albeit on my own,
and start a new year!
And I am thankful!
Here’s to hoping and
praying for a better year!
And to hoping it’s a
good year for anyone reading this!
Happy New Year 2024!
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For those who are new to my story
or are new widows or widowers, I am reposting what I wrote early on about what I did
the first time I crossed January 1st after Rob's death.
(For me, it has always helped to read the stories of others
so maybe my story will help someone else).
(If you make it the end of that, you will also see that I am posting links
to all that I have written on the anniversaries of our wedding).
***********************************************************
January 1st
Today, January 1, 2013, would have been Rob’s and my 19th wedding anniversary.
Instead, I am observing our wedding anniversary for the second time without him.
(January 1, 1994)
I did not make plans for today other than taking home some of Anna’s friends who spent the night with us last night. I knew that this year, by God’s grace, I did not need to be as intentional about how I spent the day as I did last year. I knew that today, by God’s grace, I would be okay.
And even though it is still so difficult to believe that my Rob is dead and I am his widow instead of his wife, I have been okay today.
However, last year was different. I had not lived it yet so I didn’t know how the day would be. But I knew that for me, I needed to be intentional about observing the first wedding anniversary without him. January 1st, 2012 was a Sunday so I decided to worship that day at Ellerbe United Methodist Church where Rob and I were married in 1994. As a teenager, I spent a lot of time in that church while my dad was pastor there. I was the janitor there in high school. And I spent so much time at that altar. Although I only told 2 people ahead of time (in case I woke up and did not feel like going), I prearranged to have Ellerbe UMC to myself during the afternoon (while a high school friend kept my children at her house) so that I could be alone with my God and my memories during the wedding hour.
I knew there was nothing that was going to make that day better so I decided that spending the afternoon alone with God at the place where I gained what I now have lost would help me the most.
I knew there would be more crying than praying at the altar that day but I also knew God would understand the language of my tears...
…and that afternoon, as I watched the video of the wedding (something Rob and I always did on our anniversary)
and as I took pictures of my wedding veil and pictures of our wedding rings
and pictures of the video - catching moments that Rob and I grinned and smiled over each year as we watched -
and as I remembered our marriage and as I prayed…
…I knew that no translation of my suffering was needed…
…I could feel God holding me just as surely as I can feel the hugs from my children each day…
...and just as I wrote in the poem on our wedding program years ago...
"There's a power through Him that takes me through every day"
I felt His power push me on...
...and as I wrote years ago and felt on January 1, 1994 and January 1, 2012...
"No love is greater"
…and I knew, yet again, that I would be okay…
…that God’s grace would be sufficient for that day…
…AND for the rest of my life.
*************************************************************
For those who are new to my blog or are new widows or widowers or for those who just want to revisit them, I am posting links to all of my other wedding anniversary posts.
2016
2017
2018
2019
2020
2021
2022
2023
https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2023/01/29-years-ago.html
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