Wednesday, January 18, 2023

64

 




Dear My Rob,


You would be 64 years old today.

We went out to eat to remember your birthday

and our kids and I had a good time together.

Anna, Wesley, Luke, and I called and talked with Crystol 

while playing checkers after dinner.

She was playing Mario.

We were all remembering you.

We have all made our own peace with your death

but we all still miss you.

You and I left each other notes on our bathroom mirror

on a regular basis. In fact, when you died, I didn't take down that 

last note until the week we had to move out of the parsonage.

Our Luke leaves me notes on the mirror.

He's been doing it for a while now.

He summed up what I wanted for us pretty well on today's note:


"It would be/is Daddy's birthday today. 

I hope we all have a good day

celebrating the life he lived, 

the ways God used him, 

and the impact he had on us."


And we did.

We had a good day.

And I know you would be happy we did.


Love,

Your Janna


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm posting lots of photos so the kids and I can all smile at the memories.

Hope they make you smile, too!


I will also post links to what I've written before on Rob's birthdays

in case you would like to read them or see more photos.

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2013/01/fifty-four.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2014/01/fifty-five.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2015/01/fifty-six_18.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2016/01/fifty-seven.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2017/01/58.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2018/01/59.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2019/01/60.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2020/01/61.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2021/01/62.html

https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2022/01/63.html





































































































































































  










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Sunday, January 1, 2023

29 Years Ago

 

29 years ago today,

I married my Rob.



 

Although my Rob died not long before

our 18th wedding anniversary,

I am thankful for this day

to remember our wedding day

and our marriage.

 

Our wedding day was a wonderful day.

 

In many ways,

it wasn’t a perfect day.

It rained.

And rained.

And rained.

There were some things that didn’t go as planned…

…in the ceremony and during the whole day.

 

But, in all the ways that mattered,

it was a perfect day.

 

For what mattered was that I got to marry my Rob

and we started our life together as one.

 

So it was a very wonderful day!

 

I am so thankful for the blessings

I received from our marriage…

 

…the years Rob and I had together,

the years of ministry we shared,

and,

 

most importantly,

 

the blessings of

our 4 children.

 

I am forever grateful!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those who are new to my story 

or are new widows or widowers, I am reposting what I wrote early on about what I did

the first time I crossed January 1st after Rob's death. 

(For me, it has always helped to read the stories of others

so maybe my story will help someone else).

(If you make it the end of that, you will also see that I am posting links 

to all that I have written on the anniversaries of our wedding).  

***********************************************************

Written on Tuesday, January 1, 2013

January 1st

Today, January 1, 2013, would have been Rob’s and my 19th wedding anniversary.

Instead, I am observing our wedding anniversary for the second time without him.

(January 1, 1994)


























I did not make plans for today other than taking home some of Anna’s friends who spent the night with us last night.  I knew that this year, by God’s grace, I did not need to be as intentional about how I spent the day as I did last year.  I knew that today, by God’s grace, I would be okay.

And even though it is still so difficult to believe that my Rob is dead and I am his widow instead of his wife, I have been okay today.


However, last year was different.  I had not lived it yet so I didn’t know how the day would be.  But I knew that for me, I needed to be intentional about observing the first wedding anniversary without him.  January 1st, 2012 was a Sunday so I decided to worship that day at Ellerbe United Methodist Church where Rob and I were married in 1994.  As a teenager, I spent a lot of time in that church while my dad was pastor there.  I was the janitor there in high school.  And I spent so much time at that altar.  Although I only told 2 people ahead of time (in case I woke up and did not feel like going), I prearranged to have Ellerbe UMC to myself during the afternoon (while a high school friend kept my children at her house) so that I could be alone with my God and my memories during the wedding hour.


I knew there was nothing that was going to make that day better so I decided that spending the afternoon alone with God at the place where I gained what I now have lost would help me the most.


I knew there would be more crying than praying at the altar that day but I also knew God would understand the language of my tears...

…and that afternoon, as I watched the video of the wedding (something Rob and I always did on our anniversary)



and as I took pictures of my wedding veil and pictures of our wedding rings





 and pictures of the video - catching moments that Rob and I grinned and smiled over each year as we watched - 










and as I remembered our marriage and as I prayed…

…I knew that no translation of my suffering was needed…

…I could feel God holding me just as surely as I can feel the hugs from my children each day…

...and just as I wrote in the poem on our wedding program years ago...

"There's a power through Him that takes me through every day"

I felt His power push me on...

...and as I wrote years ago and felt on January 1, 1994 and January 1, 2012...

"No love is greater"

…and I knew, yet again, that I would be okay…

…that God’s grace would be sufficient for that day…

…AND for the rest of my life.


*************************************************************
2021
https://jannasview.blogspot.com/2021/01/27-years-ago.html

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