Janna's View: "Little" Washington, Great Big Memories

My children and I visited “Little Washington” last Friday.

The town we visited last Friday might be called “Little” Washington…

…but my memories from there sure are great BIG.

I am 45 years old.

I have been a preacher’s daughter for all of those years.

I was married for almost 18 years.

I was in my 17^th year as a preacher’s wife when my preacher husband died and I became his widow instead of his wife.

I have lived in 11 different towns, enjoying and disliking certain things about each one.

I have been a part of 20 churches, enjoying and disliking certain things about each one.

And all of those facts seemed to crush in on me while I was in Washington, a place my preacher husband and I lived for 5 years.

Memories assaulted my mind in a way that was almost unbearable – tumbling one after another to the forefront of my mind as if they were competing for top billing.

I had actually anticipated this and I had prepared for it emotionally. I was in front of my children the entire time and I tried to concentrate on their memories. Anna had SO MUCH FUN remembering everything as we kept driving around, walking on the waterfront

and the downtown streets where she was in the Christmas parades,

as we drove past the parsonage,

and as we walked through the church where my Rob was pastor.

(love what they've done with the side entrance and the new paint on the walls)

(this was Rob's study when we were there - the office is upstairs now)

(my Sunday School class)

(this was our parsonage furniture when we lived there - the couch Luke fell off of when he was 11 months old and broke his ankle just by the way he fell on it - the furniture ended up in the church's youth room - where a lot of old parsonage couches end up in churches)

(Anna's favorite memory of this room is the leftover communion bread and juice)

It was fun to watch Anna's eyes light up with remembrance. Wesley remembered a lot too but not as much. And, of course, Luke didn’t remember anything about the town or the church because he was 18 months old when we moved.

I didn’t even cry. But it was hard not to.

You see, in all of the places that I lived with my preacher husband, this place was where all parts of our lives, individually and as a couple, came together to be our happiest time in our marriage, in our family, and in our ministry. It was a fun stage of our lives. He told me this when he was still living and I have always thought it – even when we were still living there.

Asbury Church was Rob’s first appointment when he wasn’t a student pastor. Just that made a huge difference. As a student pastor, he served 2 churches at the same time, was a student at Duke Divinity School, was a husband, and was a father to his 2 daughters. It was hard. Time was and is a luxury. Never did we enjoy time so much as when we moved to Washington and Rob could be “just” a pastor. Just that in itself was wonderful.

And then when you add in the other…

Our Crystol was in college only 30 minutes away and was home almost every weekend. Our Anna had so many children close to her age who were her good friends. Our Wesley, our oldest son, was born in the first year there. Our Luke, our youngest son, followed 2 years and 8 months later. Life was good.

And the church. I always felt like I truly belonged to and had a place in this church. I remember so many things from Asbury. Working together with everyone getting ready for things like bazaars, the new playground, catering for the teacher’s group, cooking and serving funeral meals, getting the cookbook together, Christmas Eve breakfasts at different members’ houses, Vacation Bible schools, choir practices during which Anna and Wesley would stay in Rob’s study and watch VeggieTales movies, Christmas cantatas, hiding our kids’ Christmas toys at Ray and Marjorie’s house, quilt squares, board meetings, UMW meetings, charge conferences when Donald would time it to see if it beat the year before’s time, Sunday School openings, Fall Halloween Carnivals, Super Bowl parties at the parsonage with the living room and kitchen televisions tuned to the big game, the kids' televisions tuned to whatever they wanted and my bedroom television tuned to the Andy Griffith marathon and a lot of us ending up in there, Communion every month and all of the kids scrambling to get to the leftover bread and juice, church directory meetings, Valentine’s banquets, Hurricane Floyd, Christmas open houses at the parsonage, my kids’ birthday parties and dedication services that were more like church parties, Sunday School parties for my Sunday School class, and the list goes on and on and on…

I learned so very much at this church during those 5 years…about life, death, suicide and the aftermath of it, relationships, marriages and remarriages, surviving after the death of a spouse, friendships, family dynamics for us and for church members, and ministry in general and where I fit into it, and the list goes on and on and on…

But most of all, I enjoyed watching and listening to my husband at this church. It was a good match. He was happy. And that was wonderful to watch… and wonderful to live.

I was asked the other day where I would go if I could go back to one time and space in my life. My answer would be this place and this time.

Our Asbury in our “Little” Washington.

And just so you know, I am not looking back with rose colored glasses. Quite the contrary, life at Washington was not easy. None of my life with Rob was ever easy. Washington was 4½ hours away from all of our family and I’m a huge family person. I drove many hours trying to keep my children a part of their extended families’ lives. It was while at Washington that my Rob was hospitalized overnight for the first time for lung issues (originally thought to be his heart) when Wesley was only a little over a week old. And he was hospitalized again when Wesley was 1½. I remember calling Lou (who was the PPR chair then) and crying b/c the doctors had just told me they couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t processing oxygen. It turned out to be pneumonia which became commonplace in our lives. But that night was the first time I had to go through it and I didn’t know yet that it was just pneumonia when I called Lou. It’s so hard to sit by a husband’s bed and watch him not be able to process oxygen. That never became commonplace. When Lou’s husband died earlier this year, I thought of that night and how comforting she was to me that night long ago.

Hard to believe we are both widows now.

And as for the church, I remember conflict well (if the truth is told – there is some conflict at EVERY church). But while at Asbury, even through the conflict, it felt like we were all one big family – for the good and for the bad – and for the most part, it was always worked out.

So much so that when Rob told the PPR committee that he had requested a move - they voted NOT to accept that. That still makes me smile. It made him smile too.

So to be back there, remembering all of this – WITHOUT HIM – was so very difficult.

But I am so glad I went. I have now completed touring “our” ministry life cycle. In the 2 years and 1½ months since Rob died, I have faced every town, every church, and every parsonage without him. I have walked the memory walks without him there by my side. The things we would have said to each other, I said to my children. The things he would have been saying to just me, I smiled at remembering.

And, while standing in “our” Asbury Church, I, for just a short moment, let myself remember what it felt like to so completely love and be loved…

…by a church body…

…and by my man.

It felt good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t do a lot of preplanning for this day because truthfully, I wasn’t sure I wanted to face Washington that day. I did try to contact a lot of folks through facebook the night before but apparently Abbey (the 1^st one on the message list) was the only one who got the message. (I’m still learning FB – I feel like my dad when we were trying to teach him how to use a microwave way back in 1983 or so and he said, “I just don’t understand these new things!”)

So first, Abbey, on her way to work, came to visit us at my brother’s house.

So great to see this young lady!

We then headed to Washington. We were in Washington for a little over 6 hours and we made the best use of our time

We surprised Nicole at work. My children and I were so touched that she cried when she saw us. Wish there had been more time. I miss this lady.

We then headed to Latham’s house. We met Latham when he and Wesley were both in Kindermusik together. We all became fast friends. And even though they haven’t seen each other in years, they still are!

Next was Mr. Ray. This is the only place Luke remembered. Even after we moved away, we visited Ray and Marjorie often. Luke even remembers Marjorie’s funeral. Luke got out of the van and immediately started looking for the stepping stones.

As we drove up, I made the comment that I sure would miss Marjorie and then I sighed and said, “She won’t even be here to offer us a Dr. Pepper.”

Well, God must have heard my sadness because one of the first things Ray did was this:

It was a great visit with our Mr. Ray. When it was time to go, my children didn’t want to leave. Ray and Marjorie’s house was like a grandparent’s home to them, even after we moved away. It was sad to be there without Marjorie but great to be there at all.

I so wanted to stop and see Donald and Ellen but they’re both with Rob now. I missed being able to stop there. We did stop at Lou’s house but she wasn’t home. I called Marty but she was working out of town that day. And I tried to call William but couldn't get him.

So our last stop before we had to be back at my brother’s house was to see Leanna and meet her new son, Collier. Leanna’s mom, Sandy, came home while we were there but we had to leave before her dad, Brown, arrived home.