21 Years Ago Today

21 years ago today

he asked me to marry him.

21 years ago today

I knew God had sent me my man.

21 years ago today

I knew God had sent me my family.

21 years.

Hard to believe.

And even harder to believe it's the 3rd year I've passed the day without him.

I wrote a blog entry last night for today but then decided not to post it.

But today, my Crystol texted me and said, 

"Very thankful for the day my dad asked you to marry him. : )"

She also said, 

"I almost didn't say anything because I didn't want you to think 

about it if you weren't already but I took a chance."

I was so glad she remembered.  

Without him to remember with, sometimes it almost feels as if it never really happened.

And after thanking her for mentioning and remembering the day that happened 

not long after she had turned 11, 

I also told her that I will never NOT think about it.

I'm a date person

I remember dates.

And that day is going to always be in my mind.

Even if it's not spoken of out loud.

So for her to remember too was special. 

When I think of that day, I smile.

When I think of that day, I miss him, but I mostly remember the great day I had with Crystol and him.

When I think of that day, I remember the "feelings" of the day,

even before he asked me to marry him.

When I think of that day, I remember how purely happy we all were just being together

and I smile.

I asked Crystol what she remembered about that evening and the morning after when we told her he had proposed and I had said yes.

She said she remembers the same things I do:

"sitting on the beach together,

sitting in the hammock (which, by the way, is where he proposed after Crystol had gone to bed),

and just the feeling. I was happy."

We all were.

And, just as Crystol said, 

I am thankful for the day, 21 years ago,  that her dad asked me to marry him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What I wrote on the first June 21st without him.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

June 21

19 years ago today

my Rob asked me to marry him

I kissed him for a really long time before I said anything

He finally stopped kissing me back and asked, "Is that a yes?"

What I Made For Anna

I made this to surprise Anna when she gets home from camp tomorrow

(she never reads my blog so this post shouldn't spoil it).

She hasn't even seen her article yet 

(except in photos).

I made this for her to preserve the article and so it won't end up folded in a drawer somewhere, 

rarely seen.

I want her to have this to see often so she can always be reminded of that 

"first time published" feeling.

And to remind her to always...

keep dreaming...

keep believing...

and 

keep imagining! 

Anna Is Published!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter's writing has been published!

Anna is at camp again (a different camp than last week's) so she couldn't be with me today when I went to get the newspapers but I did text her a photo of it.

She is so excited.

So am I.

And I am proud of her.

For writing a great article.

For being a great writer.

And for just being her.

But I am especially proud to see her name in print.

Because I know her background.

How hard she worked, for years,

to overcome her dyslexia.

And how she not only overcame her challenges but also excelled and soared over them. 

So as I pulled the newspaper from the box this morning and hurriedly shuffled through the pages hunting for my girl's article, I was actually quite overwhelmed when I came across her name -

her full name - 

in print - 

over AND above her article!

For me, it was a "full circle" moment.

One I really enjoyed.

After I bought all of the copies in the paper box, 

I then drove to the newspaper office and bought a bunch more copies.

I am one proud mama!

Father's Day 2014, Father's Day 2011, And Memories To Make Me Smile

So today was the 3rd Father's Day without Rob.

The 3rd Father's Day that our children are fatherless.

I only cried once.

And that was in church when my sister was talking about my daddy.

It still hurts and stings.

Just not the same as it did.

And it's much easier now to remember him with smiles
than to remember him with agonizing sobs.

But when my children are missing him 

or wishing him back

or saying things like

"I wish my dad was just deployed so there would at least be a chance he will come home"

 or 

"Well, we weren't invited to that - it's for Father's Day and we don't have a father,"

well, that's when it goes back to raw grief.

Because when my children hurt,

it really does feel like it hurts me double for them.

But today was okay.

My children are okay.

They miss him but they are happy.

And that makes me happy.

I had quilts made from most of Rob's clothes but I saved out 1 bin of polo type shirts that I thought our sons might want to wear someday.  Yesterday, the boys and I cleaned out a storage area and we came across Rob's shirts.  Luke asked if he could wear one to church today for Father's Day (even though it's a little big on him) and I told him that was a great idea!  Wesley asked also.  

So they both wore their daddy's shirts today.

Luke wanted to buy his daddy a Father's Day card to put on his dad's grave.  He then included the Father's Day card that they made in Sunday School.  He also wanted to give him a gift.  So that's what we did.

Father's Day 2014 was a good day - even though we still miss him like crazy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boys wanted to see some old photos today so they got me started so here is Rob's last Father's Day.

2011

And here are some photos just to make us all smile.

This is the last family photo ever taken of us all together.
It was taken at a ministers' workshop at the beach.
August 22, 2011

Rob was a great father to our Crystol, Anna, Wesley, and Luke.
We were blessed to have him as long as we did.

My Daddy

Happy Father's Day to my daddy.

The most wonderful person I have ever known.

My sister, Joan, my dad, and me.

Normal

So Anna is due home from her first week of camp in an hour or so.

I told the boys that we need to clean up the living room real fast because I want Anna to enter a peaceful room when she gets home.

Wesley said, "Well, if you want her to feel like she's home, we need to leave it messy."

So true, so true...

PUBLISHED!!!!!

My Anna girl wants to be a writer.

(September 2001 - First day of school)

That is her goal.

I've told her many times that she already is a writer.

She has been a writer since she used to dictate stories to me that I would write down for her.

When she was young and her dyslexia prevented her from actually using our letters and words, 

she came up with her own language of symbols and made up letters.  

It was her coded "written word" that only she understood.  

I encouraged that because, even though I couldn't read it, she could. 

I knew that her written word and language forms 

were infilitrating her mind and becoming a part of her.

And I hoped it would develop and eventually 

translate into a love of our written word.

And it did.

She has many journals that now, many years later, 

only represent what she "used to be" because she has 

simply forgotten her long ago used code.

So, my Anna girl has always been a writer.

And now,

today,

I got an email worth celebrating!

The email says that her article that she submitted to the local newspaper about the high school graduation ceremony of which she was a part will be PUBLISHED!!!

It will be published on Monday in print,

not just online.

So you better believe I will be driving to that town and purchasing a lot of newspapers!!!

Congratulations to my girl!

You're not on your way to your future dream of being a published writer -

YOU ARE THERE!

(2014)

I love you, my girl, and I am proud of you!

Love,

Mama