No Wonder I'm Tired

There really is nothing like seeing one’s life in numbers.

I think this every year when I do taxes.

I just finished my parents’ taxes and my taxes today.

I’ve done our taxes since the year a company charged us $550 because we had so many forms to file with our return.

I started doing my parents’ taxes that year too.

And doing a minister’s taxes is not easy.

Ministers are dual status – employed for tax purposes

-  self-employed for social security purposes.

Every year, I would relive the year by the numbers.

And the numbers showed a life full of struggles but also a life full of blessings.

The doctors’ and hospital’s cost of my precious babies being born; all of the ministry moves along with reimbursed moving expenses; the year we got our retirement house along with its mortgage; tuition for Duke Divinity School for Rob; college tuition (our part) for Crystol; the costs of the ministers’ conferences at the beach when the children and I would tag along (only Rob’s cost was deductible – we paid the family’s part out of pocket, of course); the 5 surgeries for my children; the 3 broken arms – 1 break for each child (thankfully none in the same years); the cost of the overnight hospital stay for Luke after his heart stopped during surgery; the overnight hospital stay for me when they were starting to decide whether or not I have MS; the overnight hospital stay after my emergency appendectomy; the many hospital stays for my Rob and his bouts with pneumonia; the miles driven for doctor visits; the tithe and offerings given each and every year for as far back as I’ve had to pay taxes; and so much more.

Then there was the year I had to relive the numbers of my husband’s death. 

Tears flowed often while doing the taxes that year – when computing the ICU costs - checking the deceased block – filling in the date of death – checking the married filing jointly box even though he wasn’t alive to be married to for ¼ of the year. 

The next year was bad too

for that year held no trace of my late husband in the numbers.

He had just ceased to be.

The numbers confirmed it.

And THAT was hard.

This year was better.

I didn’t cry at all.

And even though it still made me take a deep breath,

I did not flinch while checking that “single” box.

I still hate it though.

There were 2 categories that caught my attention the most this year while doing taxes.

First, I paid $16,319.28 in health insurance premiums.

That is not a typo.

I paid sixteen thousand, three hundred nineteen dollars and twenty eight cents

to keep the conference health insurance for my 3 children and me.

That is more than double the annual salary that I was paid for my very first full-time job.

I obviously knew what I have been paying each month but it’s just something else to see that huge number at the end of the year just to have health insurance.

And secondly, I discovered – by looking at the numbers –

one of the reasons why I’m so tired all of the time.

I take care of my parents –

neither one can drive anymore and my mom is in a wheelchair.

I take care of my 3 children still at home

and I try to take care of me too.

That’s 6 people  - 2 households.

I am the one who takes everybody to all of their doctor appointments.

I am the one who picks up all of the prescriptions.

Here are the numbers:

All together, the 6 of us had 77 doctor/dentist/ER visits.

(That’s an average of 6.42 appointments a month).

All together, the 6 of us required 107 trips to pick up prescriptions.

(That’s an average of 8.92 trips a month).

All of which equaled a total of 8,094 miles driven for medical purposes.

(That's an average of 674.5 miles a month).

And to that I say,

I am thankful we live in a country where we can get medical care.

I am thankful God has provided a way for me to pay for what my kids and I need.

I am thankful I can get my parents where they need to be.

I am thankful that my children are healthy.

But I also say…

…no wonder I’m tired! 

Happy Almost Tax Day to everyone!