Dates Etched in My Mind

No matter what I'm doing - 

fun or not fun -

and even when I'm trying so hard to not think about it -

EVERY 18th,

EVERY 19th,

and

EVERY 20th 

of each month is so hard 

especially the 19th

for that was the day of our struggle

the day my Rob's life hung between life and death

the day I watched his body as his organs slowly shut down 

the day I watched his children arrive to start telling him goodbye

It's been 9 months.

I wonder if the pure agony I feel on every 19th will ever be different