Time

This grief walk is hard. 

I can be perfectly fine one moment.

And then NOT the next.

Sometimes something reminds me.  

Sometimes it's just nothing.

But I never forget. 

I wonder if I ever will NOT think of it.

I really am functioning just fine and my children are okay.

I am not depressed so please don't ask me that again.

I am just very sad. 

My husband died.

At the young age of 52.

Unexpectedly.

With our youngest child only being 8 at the time.

I'm still learning to live without him.

And I'm moving - without him.

I'm leaving the last house we shared.

I'm packing his things.

I'm listening to his children miss him.

We're planning Crystol's wedding and he is not the preacher for the ceremony.

This is just so hard and there's just no sugarcoating that fact.

It is hard.

I miss him.

I want him back.

I want to wake up from this nightmare.

I want my children's father back.

I'm tired of being a widow.

I'm tired of being a single mom.

I'm just tired.

It has been 7 months 10 days...

...32 weeks...

...224 days...

...since Rob died.

Not a single one of those days has gone by without my tears.

And not a single tear has fallen that I haven't known that my God has seen, noticed, and soon after provided just the comfort that I needed - without fail!

But it is still SO VERY HARD!