27 Years

Just remembering our first date.

It was 27 years ago

right now.

Precious memories

of such an amazing night.

Reposting what I've already written about it.

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Saturday, April 16, 2016

April 16th

Today is one of "our" dates...

Rob's and mine...

One that I will always remember...

No matter how much time passes by...

And even if I've moved forward...

I will never forget the magic of our first date...

23 years ago today.

Looking back over my blog, I have only written about this day twice -

- last year and in 2012.

It is affirming to read both posts and notice the growth and healing that took place 

between 2012 and 2015 

and even on to today in 2016.

But I will never forget the anticipation of my first date with my Rob.

I will never forget the excitement of being in his presence for so many hours.

I will never forget the sweetness of the evening.

I will always be thankful.

And I will always know 

that I was and am blessed.

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What follows is what I wrote in 2015 and in 2012:

Written on Thursday, April 16, 2015

4-16-15

22 years ago right now, I was on my first date with my Rob.

22 years ago tonight, we had dinner at our mutual friends’ house.

22 years ago tonight, he walked in the door with photos of Crystol and, after saying hello, proceeded to “introduce” me to his daughter and tell me all about her. 

He made it clear from the beginning that she was his world.

22 years ago tonight, we played Pictionary with our friends after dinner.

22 years ago tonight, after the dinner and the game,

our friends had to get their children to bed

so we said our goodbyes

and walked out of their house.

Not wanting to end the evening,

but since it was 11 p.m.,

we got into my car to talk.

We talked in our friends’ driveway until 3:45 a.m.

If you know me at all,

I’m sure you’re not surprised

that we could talk that late into the night.

However, if you knew Rob at all,

you’d be surprised that

it was Rob that did almost all of the talking.

22 years ago tonight, he told me he was called to the ministry. 

He said he had no idea how he was going to make it happen

but that he was bound and determined to see it through.

(He later said he told me then so I would have a chance to run if I wanted to).

22 years ago tonight, he told me his life story, at least the outline of it.

I listened intently and hung on his every word.

22 years ago tonight, I waited for him to kiss me.

It didn’t happen.

I was disappointed.

But it certainly made it more special

when he did

FINALLY

kiss me when we were on our third date.

22 years ago tonight, I started falling in love

with the man I would marry 8 months later.

It was a wonderful night.

One that we ended in prayer –

with Rob asking God to guide us

in this relationship and show us how to proceed.

He did ask if he could hold my hand while we were praying.

Of course I said yes.

And after he finished praying, he didn’t let go of my hand.

He told me later that he kept trying to think of more things to say

just so he could keep holding my hand.

We talked for another hour.

Today was a long day

(which I may or may not write about later)

with it starting with me signing my name or initials and

today’s date at least 20 times.

So, over and over again this morning,

I had to write 4-16-15.

Only twice did I write 4-16-93.

And I didn’t shed a single tear

even though every single time I wrote the date,

a gentle little stab of pain coursed through my veins.

Although it was MUCH better than it

has been in previous years,

it’s still there.

The reality that it’s over rarely hits me hard anymore.

But the memory of the magic of that night

is one that is still so very bittersweet.

Since I can no longer celebrate that date with Rob,
I celebrated it with our sons.

Although they had no idea that’s why we went.

I will always remember all of our “times” and “dates”

and will probably continue to write about them

so that the ones I know are reading my blog

(especially one I talked with tonight)

can be encouraged that, as time goes by,

you will learn to live in the “simultaneous” world

of remembering the great times

(and sometimes maybe even falling apart at those memories)

but also living in your “now”

and going forward.

For me, I no longer feel the need to outwardly

make everything about what was.

Because my life is no longer in what was.

It is in what is.

My sons and I had a great time.

We went to a local place they had never been to before.

(Anna was at her college classes).

It’s a place that’s only open for lunch

and because of homeschooling

and caretaking of my parents

lunch has always been a hard time to get away.

But we made it today.

The food was delicious.

And the company was great!

Even if I did have to tell my boys to stop kicking each other a couple of times!

And I am thankful that,

up until the very end,

God answered Rob's prayer that he prayed 

on the night of our very first date.

God guided us up until the very end.

And He is still showing me how to proceed -

as the caretaker of our children,

and as the caretaker of my Rob's memory.

I am blessed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written on Monday, April 16, 2012

April 16, 1993

19 years ago tonight, April 16, 1993, I had my first date with Robert.

Tonight, April 16, 2012, I signed his name on his very last tax return ever...

...as the administrator of his will. 

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He Is Risen

He is risen!

He is risen indeed!

(Photo from Sunrise Service 2019)

Holy Saturday - My Anna Singing Man Of Sorrows

Holy Saturday 2020

My Anna sang this song at church 

on Easter Sunday 2018.

I thought it'd be good to hear it again today

on this Holy Saturday
as we reflect on Good Friday
and
look forward to Resurrection Morning!

"Man of Sorrows"

(lyrics below the video)

Man of Sorrows

by Hillsong Worship

Man of sorrows Lamb of God
By His own betrayed
The sin of man and wrath of God
Has been on Jesus laid

Silent as He stood accused
Beaten mocked and scorned
Bowing to the Father's will
He took a crown of thorns

Oh that rugged cross
(My salvation
Where Your love poured out over me)
Now my soul cries out
Hallelujah
Praise and honor unto Thee

Sent of heaven God's own Son
To purchase and redeem
And reconcile the very ones
Who nailed Him to that tree

Oh that rugged cross
My salvation
Where Your love poured out over me
Now my soul cries out
Hallelujah
Praise and honor unto Thee

Now my debt is paid
It is paid in full
By the precious blood
That my Jesus spilled

Now the curse of sin
Has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed

Now my debt is paid
It is paid in full
By the precious blood
That my Jesus spilled

Now the curse of sin
Has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed

Oh that rugged cross
My salvation
Where Your love poured out over me
Now my soul cries out
Hallelujah
Praise and honor unto Thee

See the stone is rolled away
Behold the empty tomb
Hallelujah God be praised
He's risen from the grave

Oh that rugged cross
My salvation
Where Your love poured out over me
Now my soul cries out
Hallelujah
Praise and honor unto Thee
Praise and honor unto Thee

Songwriters: Brooke Ligertwood / Matt Crocker

Man of Sorrows lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Good Friday

"WHAT A SAVIOR!"

(by Luke Shelton at around age 4 or 5)

Maundy Thursday Memories

Maundy Thursday 2010

Rob portrayed Jesus.

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Maundy Thursday 2012

Rob had passed away 7 months earlier.

We were still living in the parsonage

while letting the kids finish out

their school year activities

and readying everything to live in 

what was to be our retirement house.

We were still worshipping at the church

where Rob had last served as pastor.

Just look how little my babies were. 

Friday, April 6, 2012

Maundy Thursday

The Last Supper  (Cleaning up after Maundy Thursday Communion - April 5, 2012)

"Do this...

...in remembrance...

...of Me."

Be Still and Know - Luke in the Lorenz Virtual Choir (April 2020)

April 6, 2020

 My Luke is one of the over 500 singers in this recording! 

It's such an honor for him

 to be a part of something like this during this time in our world! 

Let it remind us all to 

"Be still and know that He is God." 

Thank you to his chorus teacher

for letting us know about this opportunity! 

Three Years

My daddy has been gone for 3 years today.

I’ve missed him a lot lately.

In fact, one day during this past week,

I went over to his house

(which is only 30 feet away from my house)

and sat in his chair and cried.

But, in those same moments,

I gave thanks.

For my daddy.

For all he was to me.

For all he was to all of my family.

For all he was to everyone he knew.

And I gave thanks that he is not dying right now.

I gave thanks that he did not die alone in a hospital room.

I gave thanks that his Jackie

and all three of us children

were able to be with him.

For him and for us.

I cannot imagine all of the patients and families

in our world right now having to face that reality.

Even in the midst of all that is going on in our world right now,

there is much to be thankful for.

I was blessed to be the daughter

of Rev. James William Caviness, Jr.

otherwise known as Daddy.

I miss him.

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What follows is what I said at his funeral.

Monday, April 24, 2017

What I Said At My Daddy's Funeral

A LIFE WELL LIVED AND A MINISTRY WELL SERVED.

HATE is not a strong enough word for how I feel about dementia.

LOVE is not a strong enough word for how I feel about my daddy.

But oh, how I’ve learned from them both.

I was blessed to have the best father in the world.

He was my hero.

He simply was the best man ever.

His strength tempered by his humanness taught me so much about how to live life

and ultimately, how to face death.

Today is truly a celebration of a life well lived and a ministry well served.

It is a good day for a good man

and he would want nothing less than for me to say, as he would have said,

“I’m thankful it’s as good as it is!”

So I will say it and you can say it with me!  “I am thankful it’s as good as it is.”

Because today, we can CELEBRATE a man, whose heart was so pure and big that, when the doctor was giving me the results of the last test done on his heart just hours before his death, she said that it was sort of like his heart was too strong because one part showed that it was “extra” thick because it was “bulked up by having been worked so hard like a body builder would work his arm muscle.”

I know she was giving me a medical explanation for how the blood flow was actually being constricted by this extra thickness but all I could think in that moment was 

how fittingly that described my father.

Here a doctor was, medically telling me that my daddy had a big and strong heart muscle.

Well, that was something I’ve known my entire lifetime.

And all I could think right then was how his heart was so big and extra strong because he spent his life with his heart getting bigger and bigger with all of the love he felt for everyone he came in contact with and his heart getting stronger and stronger because he spent his lifetime 

working his heart out as a

body of Christ builder

“bulking up” God’s Kingdom!

So what a CELEBRATION of LOVE today should be and is!

And my daddy sure did LOVE!

With unconditional patience and unconditional sacrifice,

my daddy LOVED!

My daddy loved his God – his precious Jesus.

Everything in his life pointed to his love for God.

And his goal in life was to point everyone he met to find this love for Jesus too!

One of my verses for the day that I have emailed to me daily yesterday said,

“God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they shall see God.”

I can only imagine my daddy’s love and excitement as he saw God because 

I cannot imagine anyone in this world with more of a pure heart!

­My daddy loved his Jackie and his children and his grandchildren.

He was married to his bride, Jackie Sue, for 54 years, 3 months, 1 week, and 5 days.

And in every one of those days, he spoiled her with every fiber of his being because he simply loved her unconditionally with every ounce of energy his heart could ever produce.  I’ve never seen such a pure love than I witnessed over the life of my parents’ marriage.         The day before he died, I promised him I would take care of his Jackie.  He looked at me and, in a lucid moment out of his dementia, replied, “Promise?” to which I said, “I promise!”  

His next words were, “Then leave me alone and let me die.”

He was father to 3 – my sister, Joan, my brother, Jamie, and me.  And he loved us.  He did everything within his power to do everything he ever thought we needed.  He even made us Easter baskets every year until we were well into our 40’s.  And he waited for all 3 of us to be at his side before he passed on to see his Jesus.  I joked with him once that the reason he and Mama named us all with “J’s” was so that we would all be in the same name family as Jesus – the “J” family.   Well, he waited for all of the “J” family to be together one last time as we all, Jimmie, Jackie, Joan, Jamie, and Janna, spent one last night together – one last slumber party sleeping and not sleeping in one room as we loved on him and watched him slip away to his reward.  As hard as it was, it was a blessed and sacred night that I will treasure in my memory for as long as ever I can.

And the grandchildren.  He spoiled them too!  He would push them on swings, play in sandboxes, play ball, and stop everything he was doing to go buy chocolate ice cream after he had only bought vanilla – just because one grandchild only liked chocolate!

My daddy loved his family and friends.

He was part of a big family and he married into a big family.  And he had a multitude of friends from childhood and all parts of his life.  He loved you all!  He would do whatever was needed for every single one of you and I don’t think any one of you ever doubted that!

And my daddy loved his church people, also known as his friends!

You, his church people, were his life’s work.

You were his calling.

You were his life’s blood that kept him going.

But more than all of that,

you were his friends!

And I think every one of you knew that.

As someone recently said to me,

“He could remember my middle brother’s wife’s father’s dog’s name!”

His great memory and attention and care for not only the salvation of his church people but also the daily lives of all of you also made him a friend to you.

He loved all of you dearly!

And thank you for loving him the same!

What a legacy of love we have to CELEBRATE and TREASURE in all that my father has taught us simply by living and by loving his Jesus and loving us all!

We would all do well to follow my daddy’s exemplary lifelong presentation of living out John Wesley’s Rule, which, by the way, he was already doing as a child and young man way before he knew what John Wesley’s Rule even was:

John Wesley’s Rule:

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.

I always knew my daddy was brilliant and strong, but as I watched death give way to victory over the last few days and hours of my daddy’s life, I gained an even greater respect for my daddy’s intellect, an even greater perspective on his strength tempered by his humanness, and I was simply in awe of how deeply ingrained the Word of God was into his spirit, heart, and mind – even in his state of dementia.

As I was grasping for anything that might comfort my daddy in his last 2 days, I was reading Scripture to him.  Not knowing if I would get a response or not, I asked him what he wanted to hear.  Without hesitation, he replied Psalm 28.  So, out of the Gideon Bible provided by the hospital b/c the one I brought with me was way too small print for me to see well, I read Psalm 28 not even knowing what it was (b/c I’m not my dad and I sure don’t have the entire Bible memorized!).  If I ever doubted my dad’s ability to know what Scripture was needed in a certain situation, 

that moment forever erased it all.

In the pain of his last days, my daddy would raise his hands and say, “I need help.”

The Scripture he requested in his last 2 days is printed on the back of your bulletin.

I will read 4 of the verses:  Psalm 28: 2, 6, 7, and 8

Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy, when I cry to you for help,

when I lift up my hands toward your most holy sanctuary.

Blessed be the LORD! For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped;

my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.

The LORD is the strength of His people;

He is the saving refuge of His anointed.

I was a witness to how God answered my dad’s pleas.

As my daddy got closer to meeting his Jesus and not too long after my mama had arrived to the hospital, my daddy sat up and in his strength tempered by his humanness, he said,

“I don’t have the knowledge to know how to do this.”

To which I immediately replied, “Oh yes you do, Daddy.  You’ve been preaching it your entire lifetime!  You know exactly what to do, how to do it, and where to go and you just keep doing it.  You are doing a great job!  You just keep going to where you know to go.  You are the best man ever and you can do this.  Just keep going, Daddy, just keep going.”

A little while later, he sat back up and said, “Lord, I need your help – just one more time. 
Just one more time, Lord, I need your help.”

A little while later, he sat back up and said, “I’m SO EXCITED! I’m SO EXCITED!”

My personal belief, as I heard my daddy say those words, is that he was getting a glimpse of heaven and what was in store for him in the next hours.  Maybe he was even responding to hearing our God say, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.  Well done.”

Lastly, I feel sure that my daddy would want nothing less today than for me to tell you that 

he would want you to someday know that excitement too!

In your bulletin, you should find a piece of paper with my daddy’s handwriting on it.  

It is something he made for a revival he preached for my late husband at one of our churches 

over 20 years ago.  I came across it 5 or so years ago and held onto it just for today.

Just as God rescued my daddy from his pain, God can rescue you too!

Whether you need to know more about asking Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior for the very first time or whether you just want encouragement in the things of the Lord, today is your chance!

If you have a need, please fill in my daddy’s paper and give it to one of the Preacher Davids right behind me after the service, to your preacher, or to me and I will find who you need.

I have no doubt that God was near my daddy as he called out to Him.

I have no doubt that God is near to you today and wants to be even closer.

All you have to do is ask.