My daddy has been
gone for 3 years today.
I’ve missed him a lot
lately.
In fact, one day
during this past week,
I went over to his
house
(which is only 30
feet away from my house)
and sat in his chair
and cried.
But, in those same
moments,
I gave thanks.
For my daddy.
For all he was to me.
For all he was to all
of my family.
For all he was to
everyone he knew.
And I gave thanks
that he is not dying right now.
I gave thanks that he
did not die alone in a hospital room.
I gave thanks that
his Jackie
and all three of us
children
were able to be with
him.
For him and for us.
I cannot imagine all
of the patients and families
in our world right
now having to face that reality.
Even in the midst of
all that is going on in our world right now,
there is much to be
thankful for.
I was blessed to
be the daughter
of Rev. James William
Caviness, Jr.
otherwise known as
Daddy.
I miss him.
Monday, April 24, 2017
What I Said At My Daddy's Funeral
A LIFE WELL LIVED AND A MINISTRY WELL SERVED.
HATE is not a strong enough word for how I feel about dementia.
LOVE is not a strong enough word for how I feel about my daddy.
But oh, how I’ve learned from them both.
I was blessed to have the best father in the world.
He was my hero.
He simply was the best man ever.
His strength tempered by his humanness taught me so much about how to live life
and ultimately, how to face death.
Today is truly a celebration of a life well lived and a ministry well served.
It is a good day for a good man
and he would want nothing less than for me to say, as he would have said,
“I’m thankful it’s as good as it is!”
So I will say it and you can say it with me! “I am thankful it’s as good as it is.”
Because today, we can CELEBRATE a man, whose heart was so pure and big that, when the doctor was giving me the results of the last test done on his heart just hours before his death, she said that it was sort of like his heart was too strong because one part showed that it was “extra” thick because it was “bulked up by having been worked so hard like a body builder would work his arm muscle.”
I know she was giving me a medical explanation for how the blood flow was actually being constricted by this extra thickness but all I could think in that moment was
how fittingly that described my father.
Here a doctor was, medically telling me that my daddy had a big and strong heart muscle.
Well, that was something I’ve known my entire lifetime.
And all I could think right then was how his heart was so big and extra strong because he spent his life with his heart getting bigger and bigger with all of the love he felt for everyone he came in contact with and his heart getting stronger and stronger because he spent his lifetime
working his heart out as a
body of Christ builder
“bulking up” God’s Kingdom!
So what a CELEBRATION of LOVE today should be and is!
And my daddy sure did LOVE!
With unconditional patience and unconditional sacrifice,
my daddy LOVED!
My daddy loved his God – his precious Jesus.
Everything in his life pointed to his love for God.
And his goal in life was to point everyone he met to find this love for Jesus too!
One of my verses for the day that I have emailed to me daily yesterday said,
“God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they shall see God.”
I can only imagine my daddy’s love and excitement as he saw God because
I cannot imagine anyone in this world with more of a pure heart!
My daddy loved his Jackie and his children and his grandchildren.
He was married to his bride, Jackie Sue, for 54 years, 3 months, 1 week, and 5 days.
And in every one of those days, he spoiled her with every fiber of his being because he simply loved her unconditionally with every ounce of energy his heart could ever produce. I’ve never seen such a pure love than I witnessed over the life of my parents’ marriage. The day before he died, I promised him I would take care of his Jackie. He looked at me and, in a lucid moment out of his dementia, replied, “Promise?” to which I said, “I promise!”
His next words were, “Then leave me alone and let me die.”
He was father to 3 – my sister, Joan, my brother, Jamie, and me. And he loved us. He did everything within his power to do everything he ever thought we needed. He even made us Easter baskets every year until we were well into our 40’s. And he waited for all 3 of us to be at his side before he passed on to see his Jesus. I joked with him once that the reason he and Mama named us all with “J’s” was so that we would all be in the same name family as Jesus – the “J” family. Well, he waited for all of the “J” family to be together one last time as we all, Jimmie, Jackie, Joan, Jamie, and Janna, spent one last night together – one last slumber party sleeping and not sleeping in one room as we loved on him and watched him slip away to his reward. As hard as it was, it was a blessed and sacred night that I will treasure in my memory for as long as ever I can.
And the grandchildren. He spoiled them too! He would push them on swings, play in sandboxes, play ball, and stop everything he was doing to go buy chocolate ice cream after he had only bought vanilla – just because one grandchild only liked chocolate!
My daddy loved his family and friends.
He was part of a big family and he married into a big family. And he had a multitude of friends from childhood and all parts of his life. He loved you all! He would do whatever was needed for every single one of you and I don’t think any one of you ever doubted that!
And my daddy loved his church people, also known as his friends!
You, his church people, were his life’s work.
You were his calling.
You were his life’s blood that kept him going.
But more than all of that,
you were his friends!
And I think every one of you knew that.
As someone recently said to me,
“He could remember my middle brother’s wife’s father’s dog’s name!”
His great memory and attention and care for not only the salvation of his church people but also the daily lives of all of you also made him a friend to you.
He loved all of you dearly!
And thank you for loving him the same!
What a legacy of love we have to CELEBRATE and TREASURE in all that my father has taught us simply by living and by loving his Jesus and loving us all!
We would all do well to follow my daddy’s exemplary lifelong presentation of living out John Wesley’s Rule, which, by the way, he was already doing as a child and young man way before he knew what John Wesley’s Rule even was:
John Wesley’s Rule:
Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.
I always knew my daddy was brilliant and strong, but as I watched death give way to victory over the last few days and hours of my daddy’s life, I gained an even greater respect for my daddy’s intellect, an even greater perspective on his strength tempered by his humanness, and I was simply in awe of how deeply ingrained the Word of God was into his spirit, heart, and mind – even in his state of dementia.
As I was grasping for anything that might comfort my daddy in his last 2 days, I was reading Scripture to him. Not knowing if I would get a response or not, I asked him what he wanted to hear. Without hesitation, he replied Psalm 28. So, out of the Gideon Bible provided by the hospital b/c the one I brought with me was way too small print for me to see well, I read Psalm 28 not even knowing what it was (b/c I’m not my dad and I sure don’t have the entire Bible memorized!). If I ever doubted my dad’s ability to know what Scripture was needed in a certain situation,
that moment forever erased it all.
In the pain of his last days, my daddy would raise his hands and say, “I need help.”
The Scripture he requested in his last 2 days is printed on the back of your bulletin.
I will read 4 of the verses: Psalm 28: 2, 6, 7, and 8
Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy, when I cry to you for help,
when I lift up my hands toward your most holy sanctuary.
Blessed be the LORD! For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.
The LORD is the strength of His people;
He is the saving refuge of His anointed.
I was a witness to how God answered my dad’s pleas.
As my daddy got closer to meeting his Jesus and not too long after my mama had arrived to the hospital, my daddy sat up and in his strength tempered by his humanness, he said,
“I don’t have the knowledge to know how to do this.”
To which I immediately replied, “Oh yes you do, Daddy. You’ve been preaching it your entire lifetime! You know exactly what to do, how to do it, and where to go and you just keep doing it. You are doing a great job! You just keep going to where you know to go. You are the best man ever and you can do this. Just keep going, Daddy, just keep going.”
A little while later, he sat back up and said, “Lord, I need your help – just one more time.
Just one more time, Lord, I need your help.”
Just one more time, Lord, I need your help.”
A little while later, he sat back up and said, “I’m SO EXCITED! I’m SO EXCITED!”
My personal belief, as I heard my daddy say those words, is that he was getting a glimpse of heaven and what was in store for him in the next hours. Maybe he was even responding to hearing our God say, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant. Well done.”
Lastly, I feel sure that my daddy would want nothing less today than for me to tell you that
he would want you to someday know that excitement too!
In your bulletin, you should find a piece of paper with my daddy’s handwriting on it.
It is something he made for a revival he preached for my late husband at one of our churches
over 20 years ago. I came across it 5 or so years ago and held onto it just for today.
Just as God rescued my daddy from his pain, God can rescue you too!
Whether you need to know more about asking Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior for the very first time or whether you just want encouragement in the things of the Lord, today is your chance!
If you have a need, please fill in my daddy’s paper and give it to one of the Preacher Davids right behind me after the service, to your preacher, or to me and I will find who you need.
I have no doubt that God was near my daddy as he called out to Him.
I have no doubt that God is near to you today and wants to be even closer.
All you have to do is ask.
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