The Sweetest Sound

The sweetest sound 

I know 

is 

the sound 

of 

my children's laughter.

Being Proud

Proud of my babies today.

My Wesley is attending a workshop today 

and I received this photo

from someone there who told me, 

“Wesley did a great job presenting for his group!”

And I watched my Anna prepare for and head off to the transferring student

information session and tour at the college where she wants to transfer

for her junior and senior years of college.

22 years ago today, Rob and I were on our way home from our honeymoon.

Not much in my life now

is what we then envisioned it would be,

but I’m grateful for the things that are.

Like being proud of our children.

22 Years

January 1, 2016

Today would be my 22^nd wedding anniversary.

Instead, I am crossing our anniversary for the 5th time since Rob's death

and I am living my 1,565^th day without him.

One Thousand,

Five Hundred,

Sixty Five

days.

I miss him.

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What I wrote in 2015:

Thursday, January 1, 2015

21 Years

21 years ago today, at our 2 p.m. wedding, I became Mrs. Robert Edward Shelton.

Even though our marriage ended with Rob’s death in Sept. 2011,

I will always be thankful that I was blessed

to know how it feels to have loved well

and to have been loved well. 

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What I wrote in 2014: 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

20 Years

20 years ago today...

...at our 2 p.m. wedding...

...my daddy walked me down the aisle...

...and I became...

...Mrs. Robert Edward Shelton.

Today, I am observing our wedding anniversary without him...

...for the 3rd time.

I will forever be grateful for the years God gave me with my Rob

and I will forever be grateful for the family God gave us.

I have been blessed.

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What I wrote in 2013: 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

January 1st

Today, January 1, 2013, would have been Rob’s and my 19^th wedding anniversary.

Instead, I am observing our wedding anniversary for the second time without him.

(January 1, 1994)

I did not make plans for today other than taking home some of Anna’s friends who spent the night with us last night.  I knew that this year, by God’s grace, I did not need to be as intentional about how I spent the day as I did last year.  I knew that today, by God’s grace, I would be okay.

And even though it is still so difficult to believe that my Rob is dead and I am his widow instead of his wife, I have been okay today.

However, last year was different.  I had not lived it yet so I didn’t know how the day would be. But I knew that for me, I needed to be intentional about observing the first wedding anniversary without him.  January 1^st, 2012 was a Sunday so I decided to worship that day at Ellerbe UnitedMethodist Church where Rob and I were married in 1994.  As a teenager, I spent a lot of time in that church while my dad was pastor there.  I was the janitor there in high school.  And I spent so much time at that altar.  Although I only told 2 people ahead of time (in case I woke up and did not feel like going), I prearranged to have Ellerbe UMC to myself during the afternoon (while a high school friend kept my children at her house) so that I could be alone with my God and my memories during the wedding hour.

I knew there was nothing that was going to make that day better so I decided that spending the afternoon alone with God at the place where I gained what I now have lost would help me the most.

I knew there would be more crying than praying at the altar that day but I also knew God would understand the language of my tears...

…and that afternoon, as I watched the video of the wedding (something Rob and I always did on our anniversary)

and as I took pictures of my wedding veil and pictures of our wedding rings

 and pictures of the video - catching moments that Rob and I grinned and smiled over each year as we watched - 

and as I remembered our marriage and as I prayed…

…I knew that no translation of my suffering was needed…

…I could feel God holding me just as surely as I can feel the hugs from my children each day…

...and just as I wrote in the poem on our wedding program years ago...

"There's a power through Him that takes me through every day"

I felt His power push me on...

...and as I wrote years ago and felt on January 1, 1994 and January 1, 2012...

"No love is greater"

…and I knew, yet again, that I would be okay…

…that God’s grace would be sufficient for that day…

…AND for the rest of my life.