It's A New Day

Today, I was cleaning out a container that got moved from our last parsonage to this house 

without its contents being sorted.

It was a container that was kept in every bathroom since the very first parsonage.

Its contents were sorted periodically through the years but not at all since Rob’s death.

2 things (well, technically 3) were in the container that made me catch my breath a little because of the memories attached to them…

2 pregnancy tests

and

1 mini Bible Study book on Mark with Rob’s handwriting in it

…but then they made me smile because of the memories attached to them.

Memories that I will get to carry and cherish for the rest of my life

(or until dementia sets in – whichever comes first J ).

But I also knew, when holding these objects, that they were just

another reminder that my life stage is now “a new day…”

…and I’m okay with that.

Rob and I always planned on having a 4^th baby.  Since Luke was born in 2002, we never tried to prevent pregnancy.  So I always kept pregnancy tests on hand.  I still think it’s interesting how all 3 of our babies’ conceptions were perfectly planned (Wesley was even planned around Crystol’s high school graduation).  But when we left it up to God, we couldn’t get pregnant.  I was always grateful and happy and felt blessed that I was able to have my 3 babies but it was so sad to not be able to conceive again.  At the time, we never really told anyone (most people thought we were crazy to have had the 3 on Rob’s salary) so we didn’t grieve out loud about it.  In fact, when my cousin announced she was pregnant at our Easter gathering, I had to go outside for a little bit.  I was SO happy for her but SO sad for us.  Rob came outside, found me in the car crying, and comforted me.  We never knew why we couldn’t conceive again.  The only possible answer we were given was that the doctors thought that the steroids Rob had to take just to breathe were probably the reason.  We came to terms with it and lived our life and enjoyed the children we had.  But we still didn’t prevent anything and I still kept the tests on hand.  

After Rob died, even though I would have loved to have had another child, 

I was thankful that I didn't have an even younger child than my then 8 year old Luke 

to lose his/her father. 

Today, the tests were a reminder of a time now gone by.

When Rob first became a pastor, he had a 2 church appointment.

He preached at the first church at 9:30 a.m. and the 2^nd at 11 a.m.

It was at the first church that he used the book I found today for the Bible Study on Mark.  I went with him to this daytime study so it must have been held during the summer because I was teaching school while we lived there – until Anna was born.  Rob had so much fun leading this study.  He was SO excited to be living what he told everyone was his dream – being a pastor!  

It was a fun time with him and with the group!

He told me that he intentionally kept this book in every bathroom (which was his favorite reading room – he had a bookshelf in every bathroom) to remind him of the excitement of his early days in the ministry.

Today, the Bible Study book on Mark was a reminder of a time now gone by.

2 pregnancy tests

and

1 mini Bible Study book on Mark with Rob’s handwriting in it

3 years ago, those objects would have reduced me to a total meltdown of emotions.

2 years ago, those objects would have made me scream that “it’s just not fair.”

1 year ago, those objects would have just made me sad.

But now,

today,

even though I have shed a tear or two while writing this,

those objects just remind me that

I am in a new life stage.

It is a new day…

and

again,

…I’m okay with that.