Missing and Marching On Through March Madness

My Wesley and my Luke have gotten back into watching Duke Basketball this year

(and Anna even watched the last Duke/Carolina game).

It’s the first year they’ve really cared since their dad died.

It’s been nice to see it.

My kids are good.

They are doing okay,

but they miss their dad.

And they talk about him around this time of year.

About how much he loved Duke Basketball.

I wonder if they remember the year (either 2007 or 2008) their dad, 

gasp,

gave up all basketball for Lent.

He said he could spend that much more time on Bible study and sermons. 

He also said he could do without the angst that watching a game could cause.

He really did stick to it.  He didn’t watch a single minute of basketball. 

He wouldn’t even watch the news pieces about the games

(although he would have me find out who won).

He did not cheat one single time.

I was proud of him!

Rob really did love his Duke Basketball.  At each of his churches, there would always be at least one Carolina fan that he would have a friendly rivalry with the entire time we lived there.  He would have me video the games when he was a student at Duke and actually had class on some of the nights they would be playing.  He would also have me video it if he had to be gone for a hospital visitation, a church meeting, a funeral visitation, or anything else.  He would then try to NOT find out who won so he could really watch the game.  That rarely worked.  Because everyone knew how much he loved Duke, someone would inevitably either congratulate him or pick on him.  
But he always tried.

My Luke has forgotten so much about his father

(which makes me so sad)

but when he sees the photos, he remembers. 

After looking at some of these photos the other night,

he said “I REMEMBER THAT!  I REMEMBER THAT!”

with such happiness that it made me cry. 

He was so happy to have remembered something. 

And then he said,

“I miss watching TV snuggled up to Daddy.” 

And so, as we watch the rest of March madness 2014, we will miss watching it with Rob.

I don’t know if my kids ever noticed it but I will miss watching that one vein pop out on his forehead during those times of angst when the games were close.

I always thought that was funny but when I would laugh,

he would give me that look that he didn’t give me often.

I even miss that.

My boys will miss that time with their dad –

watching TV snuggled up to him.

We will miss that family time.

But we will, if they want to, watch it and make new memories of family time.

Just as we did the other night.

And I will be there to photograph the new memories to go along with the past ones.

(2009)

(Rob's idea this year was to multi-task so we set up the bathroom / exercise room so that he could watch more than one game at a time when 2 games were on AND he could ride the bike AND read and study during commercials.  I don't remember how well that worked but he wanted it so we did it).

(Rob and Luke doing the wave).

(2010 - We had some friends over to watch this game).

(2011 - the one and only year he was able to watch the games on the huge TV someone gave us).

 (2014 - Those gathered around the smallest TV in the house :)  

                   (Luke and Phillip and Cara were watching in the living room but for some reason, 

I didn't take a photo of that).

(However, if you look closely at the reflection in the window, these are the only March Madness photos I found with me in the photo).

We will miss him.
We will march on.

(And before anyone emails me and tells me I am living in the past, I am not.  But we do remember and my kids, mostly my sons, do ask me to see photos of things that happened in the past so I show them.  We smile and we reminisce because, for my children, I am the caretaker of their father’s memory and the vessel in which many of our shared memories travel.  And there is a huge difference between nostalgia and living in the past.  Of course we wish it were different, but it’s not.  But for my children to develop normally, it’s good for them to see the foundation of family love and experiences on which their lives were built when they ask.  And I am grateful that I photographed so much of it since photos, along with their memories, are all they have left.  So usually, when they ask about a specific thing, I try to get it on the blog so it will be there for them in the future.   I have a few posts that I’m working on but this is the one that is most appropriate for today).