What Matters

I received a phone call this afternoon (Thursday) from a friend of mine.

She became a friend of mine when I was her preacher's wife.  And she was the parsonage committe chairman so I really got to know her well over the years.

She phoned me today to tell me that her daddy is dying.  And this woman, grown and married for over 20 years, told me that it gave her strength to know that my children know how she feels.  She's the second grown woman in the middle of a death of a parent who has told me that... that if they, as young children, can make it through it - so can she.

She also told me that something my late husband said a lot when he was her preacher has helped her through this very difficult time.  

I am good friends with her family too.

Her dad brought a cooler full of ice on the day Rob died and he kept refilling it every day for a week or so.

Her mother brought food and comfort.

Her father loves being a Ruritan.

Her mother loves snowmen.  When I looked for a Christmas gift for her, I tried to find snowmen items.

Her father loves to talk.

Details I know from getting to know them.  Details I know from being a part of their lives.

And them a part of mine.

That's what happens with friends.

I still remember the glistening tears in their eyes the first time I saw them after Rob's death.

I went to the Hospice Home tonight to see my friends.

And to wish him "farewell."

My friend who had called me was so happy that I came.

The visit with her dad was beautiful, peaceful, and even through the sound of his rattling lungs as he struggled to breathe, it was a visit full of grace.

And he still likes to talk.

He told me how good it was to see me.

He said he didn't want to go without seeing me - that he wanted to see all of his friends 

and I was one of them.

I told him that I was honored that he counted me as one of his friends he wanted to see before he left us.

He told me how much my late husband had meant to him and that Rob was "such a sweet man."

He told me that our family and our ministry meant a lot to him.

He told me he had thought about me and my children so much lately.

I told him Wesley will be 13 on Sunday.  He couldn't believe Wesley is that grown up.

We talked about how God will take care of his family and how sad he is to be leaving them.

He will be leaving behind a wife, a grown daughter and son-in-law, and a grown son.

We talked about death.  

We talked about what matters now - the love of God.  

I told him to tell Rob I said hello, that we miss him, and that we're doing okay.

And as we talked about Heaven, I told him I am a little jealous of him.  

He will get to be with Jesus soon and will get to see Rob and all of the other loved ones he knows who are already there.  He will be at peace.

It was tough to say goodbye knowing it might be the last time.  

He didn't want to let go of my hand - so I didn't let go either - and we talked a little longer.

I kept making him laugh with things I would say - which made it harder for him to breathe.

So I had to try to stop making him laugh - but it was good to see him smile.

And as I did say goodbye and that I love him, I told him I would try to get back to see him.

He grinned and said he would see me - either here or there.

I said, "That's right, I will see you one way or the other."

I watched his wife as I turned around and I saw in her eyes how tired she is - and how sad.

But I also saw strength.  And because I know her and because I know of her trust in God, I know she will survive.  And I know God will help her.

He had told them all (his sister, his wife, his daughter, and his son) that he wanted them to go home for the night so they were leaving.  None of them had eaten and they invited me to go with them to get some supper (it was almost 9 p.m.) and I went.  And even though it was in sad circumstances, it was good to be with them.  It was good to be there in their time of need and it was good to see them.

And on a personal note, it was good to be with church members who remember our ministry - people with whom I have a history - people who know me.  It was good to be with church members with whom I can reminisce about things my Rob said or did.  In fact, they were the ones who brought up his name first and because they miss him too- they reminisced right along with me instead of looking at me like they are tired of hearing it or that I really should be "over it" by now.

It was good to be with people to whom my presence mattered.