Forward

In August 2011, the month before Rob died, I opened a new email account for the express purpose of using that email to start a blog about our family.  The intent was to start archiving (with photos and with words) our family's past; to chronicle our present; and to watch (through the blog) our future turn into our present and then into our past.  That was my intent.

Since both of my parents were living with us in the parsonage at that time (my dad had fallen and broken his pelvic bone and his arm and they were living with us while he recuperated), I did not have much free time to actually get the blog started.  Mama and Daddy moved back to their home during the last week of 

August 2011 just in time for a planned work / family trip to work out after all.  Rob had a conference in Myrtle Beach, SC.  And for the first time in forever, Crystol's schedule worked out for her to fly down and join us for the 4 day trip.  So Rob, Crystol, Anna, Wesley, Luke and I spent the last week of August getting a family photo made (which was always a fun adventure - ask Crystol) and then heading to the beach.  And in between conference sessions, Rob joined us for family time.  

And then he died 3 weeks later. 

And EVERY thing changed.

I came across a quote today that made me think about my intent for this blog way back when in August 2011.  And it made me think about what someone said to me recently.  Someone said to me (with the purest of heart and with good intentions) that I needed to spend less time thinking about my past and move forward into my future. 

First of all, I have been moving forward into my future since I was able (with God's strength) to take that first step out of the hospital ICU room while turning around to take one last look at my dead husband -  instead of falling onto the floor in a crumpled heap and screaming "no" at the top of my lungs.  

I was moving forward as I told my then 8 and 11 year old sons that their father was with Jesus and would not be coming home with us (my then 15 and 29 year old daughters were in the room when Rob died so they did not need to be told - they witnessed their loss).

I was moving forward as I packed up my husband's ministry and moved us out of the parsonage and into our retirement home.

I was moving forward as we settled into living in our new home, joining a new church, and starting a new life in a new town.

Instead of crawling into bed and staying there, I have been moving forward for 17 months.

And we are doing well.

And as the memories surface (mostly unbidden), I will honor them - as we make new ones.

And as my children talk about their dad, I will try to help them remember him - as we live without him.

And as we dream about our future - my children will know their foundations were built with love.

Many people have kept up with their times and scrapbooked the events of their lives as they happened.  I did not.  So I now have tried to use this blog to do some of that since finally starting to post last February 2012.  I am trying to archive things that the children will enjoy seeing in the future and write down some memories that will be special to them as time goes on.

The quote I came across today was a Helen Keller quote and I've always loved it but I haven't thought about it in a good while.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

  

So, as I write blog posts about my Rob and the things we did with the children, please remember that I am not looking too long at the closed door.  The stark reality of the closed door has lived in my heart for 17 months now.  And I really feel that, by God's grace,  I have stepped through the threshold of the open door to my future.  But I will still try to always be the window THROUGH that closed door for my children (and for me) to peer through when they need to remember.


After all, that was my original intent for this blog - way back in August 2011 -


To archive (with photos and with words) our family's past; 

To chronicle our present; 

And to watch (through the blog) our future turn into our present and then into our past.


That intent.  

It is one thing that has not changed.