State of Heart

I miss him today.

I miss him EVERY day.

But today, I just woke up greatly missing him - his presence, his smile, his touch, 

his laugh, his voice.

At church this morning, we were singing a song that was sung at his funeral - "Freely, Freely."  

I started fighting back the tears and it worked for a bit.    

And then, as many at this church do each week, the preacher's wife went up for prayer at the altar at the end of the service.

Just as the preacher does with everyone else who comes up for prayer, he went over to her, put his hand on her head, and leaned in to pray with/for her.  

This happened directly in front of me since we were sitting in the front.  

As I took in the view of this preacher husband leaning over his wife with the tenderness and concern that only a husband can show but with the leadership and comfort that only a preacher - acting on God's behalf - can show, I could barely keep from sobbing.  

Again, unbidden, memories suddenly flooded my mind of all of the times that my preacher husband had done the very same thing for me.  I can clearly remember the feeling of his hand on my head.  I can clearly remember his voice in my ear as I knelt before him.

It was once again, a poignant reminder of what I once had but now have lost.

It was a reminder that a long time ago, 

I was "Robbed."

And then, not long ago, I was robbed.