20 Years - June 21, 2013

20 years ago, he asked me to marry him.

20 years ago, I said yes.

It is so hard to believe that was 2 decades ago.

It is sometimes still so hard to believe that he's not here to celebrate all of our "20th's."

Click here to read what I wrote on 2012's June 21st.   

It also occurred to me that this week, since I became Crystol's full time caregiver for the summer of 1993 while both of her parents worked, marks 20 years since I first became a "parent."  That was the first time I made a choice between working and staying with my children.  I gave up a paid internship that summer to be her caretaker.  I knew it was the right thing to do.  I was right.  Developing and fostering my relationship with my just turned 11-year old future stepdaughter was so much more valuable than any money or any other experience I would have garnered from that internship. 

So as of this week, I have parented children, from newborns to age 31 - with all of the joys and trials that all of those ages bring, for 20 years - 2 decades.

No wonder I'm tired.

And thank God I have been and am so blessed! 

To My Anna and My Wesley

My daughter and my son joined the church today. I presented them for membership and my father asked them the questions to receive them into membership.  It was a great day.  

What follows is my presentation of them to the congregation:  

"Anna and Wesley,

When you were babies, I stood beside your father and held each of you as we dedicated you to the Lord, with your Paw Paw presiding over each of the services.   Your father and I were so thankful that God had chosen us to parent each one of you and we wanted to do nothing less than lead you to Christ.  
That’s what we vowed to do on each of those days. 

(Anna - 1996)

(Wesley - 2000)

When you were older, your father and I were thrilled as each one of you repented of your sins, asked Jesus into your hearts, and trusted Him to be your Savior.  
Our prayers for your spiritual births had been answered.

When you were each yet a little older, I stood and watched you both as your father baptized you.  You both had stated that you were ready for this outward and visible sign of grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Your father and I felt so blessed.  
Our prayers for your spiritual growth had been answered.   

Today, on this Father’s Day, 

I stand alone, 

 to present you, Anna Elizabeth Shelton, and you, Wesley Robert Shelton, 

for membership into Smyrna United Methodist Church. 

And as I watch you today take personal responsibility for your own church memberships and you bind yourselves to this church through the voluntary vows you will speak ---

--- I will know the circle is complete 

– from the first services when you were babies with your Paw Paw presiding over the questions for us as parents 

- to your salvation 

- to the day you father baptized you 

- to today as your Paw Paw will ask you the questions of membership into Smyrna.  
And I will rejoice and be thankful that the prayers your father prayed during his lifetime and my continued prayers for you to choose to join the church will be answered."

Power Outage

We had a couple of power outages this week.  And this is what this generation does during a power outage.

My cousin, Phillip, and Luke were praying that the electronic devices had enough charge to outlast the outage.

And they did.  Our power goes out a lot here but it is usually back on within a couple of hours.

Wesley was just enjoying holding Lucky, Phillip's dog, (who was outside until the storm started - then I let him come in out of the storm).

Anna was at camp.  Wonder if she had outages Thursday night.  A lot of our state did.

One Year Here

It's hard to believe it but we have lived in this house for a year today.  When we were living in parsonages, our kids called this house our "forever home," one that would always be ours.  But since Rob and I had planned for this house to be our retirement home, I never thought my kids would live here full time, yet Anna turned 16 living here.  Wesley turned 13 and Luke turned 10.  We are still not really settled in because of all of the house issues/repairs still going on but we are living well and God is faithful.  An entire year.  Hard to believe.

What follows are 2 "rerun" posts - the post from last June - the day after we moved here.

And the post I wrote about this house and what it's meant to me.

Posted on Thursday, June 14, 2012

Out and In

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

We are OUT of the parsonage (pulled out of the driveway at 2:34 a.m. last night/this morning)

And we are IN our house (pulled in the driveway at 3:08 a.m. last night/this morning)

God was with us in the transition

And I am SO THANKFUL for God's providence that Rob and I had this house for 6 years before his death

But it was so very hard to leave the parsonage

Even when we were FINALLY ready to leave 

The kids did not want to leave

So we walked around the house 

Talking about the empty rooms - when they were not empty - 

About when one family member was not missing

And me reminding them that the empty rooms aren't what holds our memories

After an hour of walking around empty rooms, taking pictures of each other in those rooms, Luke taking videos with the iPad, and some crying, we finally left

The kids asked to stay and watch as the garage door closed one last time - so we did

It's always hard to move.

But it's so much harder to disassemble a family life together knowing that, this time, when we get to the new place we will be starting a different family life without one of its members. 

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Posted on Sunday, February 26, 2012

The House

Thankful - Day 5 - Feb. 26, 2012

What we are thankful for today: 

Anna - I am thankful for my sister, Crystol.

Wesley - I am thankful for Tae Kwon Do.

Luke - I am thankful that we have a vehicle.

Janna - I am thankful that my children and I will have a place to go come June.
I am grateful for my house... 

...THE HOUSE (written January 8th, 2012) 

Long ago, my paternal grandparents had a dream.  I wasn’t around for that dream but I am now reaping the benefit of their desire.

Long ago, my Heavenly Father had a dream.  I wasn’t around for that dream but I am now reaping the benefit of His planning.

Long ago, my paternal grandparents wanted a house of their very own.

Long ago, my Heavenly Father knew I would need a house of my very own.

Long ago, my paternal grandparents made a way to build their very own house and I’m sure they delighted in moving into that house - with their very own dreams for the future and what all that the house would hold and foster for what they wanted for their family – and they lived out their lives and their family dreams in their house.

Long ago, my Heavenly Father made a way to plant dreams in my mind and desires in my heart that would start my very own plans for the future and what all those dreams would hold and foster for what I wanted for my family – but my family dreams would start and end in parsonages.

Not too long ago, when my paternal grandparents’ house was transferred from one grandchild to another and the house was moved across the street, none of us knew what the future would hold...

...BUT GOD DID.

(the 2005 notebook that held all of the papers, permits, etc. for the move of the house - notice the Scripture I held onto during that process - Psalm 42:11 - same as now)

Long ago, the Lord knew it had to be done somehow.  Long ago, the Lord saw His provision.  In different ways, the homestead place became a way to provide for one of my paternal grandparents’ sons and two of their grandchildren – one through the original land with a new house and the others through the original house with old family land that was new to them.

It so humbles me to feel and think and know that way back then – when my paternal grandparents dreamed of their very own house that God not only saw their dreams realized of raising their six children in the home and having the house being the provision for them – but that EVEN THEN my God also saw this house as His provision for me when I would need it most – when I was left widowed in a parsonage with young children still at home to finish raising to adulthood.  He saw it as His provision that my children would live in the rooms and walk the halls and run up and down the same stairs that their grandfather, great-aunts, and great-uncles did.  He saw it as His provision for them and for me – EVEN THEN.

I will admit and I can certainly say that I am not delighted to be moving into the house because of my widowhood.  I wish that I could be moving into the house with my husband in our retirement years as we had planned.  But I can still certainly say that knowing I have that house has been a hope and a comfort -  knowing that I have a “homeplace,” and knowing that even long ago God had and now He still does have a plan for my children and for me.  And I know that I, just as my paternal grandparents did, will move into that house with my very own hopes for the future and hopes for all that the house will hold and foster for what I want for my family --- and maybe, just maybe, that will be the beginning of some new dreams that I have yet, in the present, to even muster the strength to imagine.

Not Easier - Yes, Different - But Not Easier

As I've been working on unpacking and sorting through some more things this last couple of days, I have come across many items that bring back so many memories - good and bad.  

But the thing that struck me the most were a couple of notes that Luke wrote not long 

after his dad died.  

He was supposed to be working on his math the day he handed me these notes.  

DeD = SAD  (Translation: Dead = Sad)

DeD + HeviN = i Am SAD  (Translation: Dead + Heaven = I Am Sad)

An 8 year old little boy had lost his dad.

  

And even at 8, he knew what the subtraction of his father from his life meant.
Even when he was supposed to be working on addition - he knew that the loss of his father, 

while it was Heaven's gain, 

really only added up to sadness for him. 

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Please say a prayer for my friend, Marisol, and her children, Jael, Victoria, and Joseph.  Richard, Marisol's husband and her children's father, died 1 year ago today.  Their children were the same age when their dad died as my children were when their dad died.  

Click here and here to read about them.

When I reminded my sons (Anna was still at the theatre for her play) to pray for their family because it was 1 year since Richard's death, Wesley said, "Oh, the death day.  That 1st anniversary is hard.  But we can think of it as Richard's first 're' birth day - his 1st one in Heaven - just like we did for Dad."

I have smart children!

31

She is 31 today.

My oldest child.  The child who made me a mother.

My stepdaughter.

Who is as much my child as the 3 children I carried in my womb.

My oldest daughter.  She came as a package deal with her father.

He walked into our very first date carrying a photo of her.

He made it clear she was his priority.  I admired that.

It seems like just yesterday that she first became a part of my life as I was falling deeply in love with her father...and with her.

I cannot even remember what life was like without her.

I met my Crystol Erin 20 years ago in the spring of 1993.  She was 10 - almost 11.

Now she is turning 31.  How can that even be?

She and I - we've gone through a lot together.

She taught me how to parent.

She's the first one I taught how to do so many things - like how to drive and so many more things that are private.

She's the first one who taught me so many things - like how to love a child unconditionally and so many more things that are private.

She's the first one I watched walk across a high school graduation stage, a bachelor's degree graduation stage, a master's degree graduation stage, and then a second master's degree graduation stage.

She's the first one we moved in and out of dorm rooms and apartments during the college years.

She was in the delivery room when I gave birth to Luke.  She was 20 1/2 then.

She's the first one I had to let go of when she became an adult.

She's the first one I watched walk down her wedding aisle, on the arm of her brother... 

...to marry the love of her life.  

She's the only child of mine who was there both the day I married her dad and the day we watched him die.

As I said - she and I - we've been though a lot together.

And she has brought me such joy over the years- this oldest child of mine.

(her June 3rd birthday, 2012)

I did not carry this daughter in my womb and I did not give birth to her.

But she, along with my other 3 children, will always be carried in my heart.

Happy 31st Birthday, my Crystol Erin!

I love you!