26

 

Happy 26th Birthday, Wesley Robert!

So many miles apart

but always in my heart!

I'm so thankful Alexcina 

made your favorite

chocolate cake!

I love you so much!

33 Years

 

33 years ago right now, I was on my first date with my Rob. 

It was such a sweet, magical evening. 

For which I will always be thankful.

 

What follows is what I wrote 11 years ago in 2015 about that special night:

Thursday, April 16, 2015

4-16-15

22 years ago right now, I was on my first date with my Rob.

22 years ago tonight, we had dinner at our mutual friends’ house.

22 years ago tonight, he walked in the door with photos of Crystol and, after saying hello, proceeded to “introduce” me to his daughter and tell me all about her. 

He made it clear from the beginning that she was his world.

22 years ago tonight, we played Pictionary with our friends after dinner.

22 years ago tonight, after the dinner and the game,

our friends had to get their children to bed

so we said our goodbyes

and walked out of their house.

Not wanting to end the evening,

but since it was 11 p.m.,

we got into my car to talk.

We talked in our friends’ driveway until 3:45 a.m.

If you know me at all,

I’m sure you’re not surprised

that we could talk that late into the night.

However, if you knew Rob at all,

you’d be surprised that

it was Rob that did almost all of the talking.

22 years ago tonight, he told me he was called to the ministry. 

He said he had no idea how he was going to make it happen

but that he was bound and determined to see it through.

(He later said he told me then so I would have a chance to run if I wanted to).

22 years ago tonight, he told me his life story, at least the outline of it.

I listened intently and hung on his every word.

22 years ago tonight, I waited for him to kiss me.

It didn’t happen.

I was disappointed.

But it certainly made it more special

when he did

FINALLY

kiss me when we were on our third date.

22 years ago tonight, I started falling in love

with the man I would marry 8 months later.

It was a wonderful night.

One that we ended in prayer –

with Rob asking God to guide us

in this relationship and show us how to proceed.

He did ask if he could hold my hand while we were praying.

Of course I said yes.

And after he finished praying, he didn’t let go of my hand.

He told me later that he kept trying to think of more things to say

just so he could keep holding my hand.

We talked for another hour.

Today was a long day

(which I may or may not write about later)

with it starting with me signing my name or initials and

today’s date at least 20 times.

So, over and over again this morning,

I had to write 4-16-15.

Only twice did I write 4-16-93.

And I didn’t shed a single tear

even though every single time I wrote the date,

a gentle little stab of pain coursed through my veins.

Although it was MUCH better than it

has been in previous years,

it’s still there.

The reality that it’s over rarely hits me hard anymore.

But the memory of the magic of that night

is one that is still so very bittersweet.

Since I can no longer celebrate that date with Rob,
I celebrated it with our sons.

Although they had no idea that’s why we went.

I will always remember all of our “times” and “dates”

and will probably continue to write about them

so that the ones I know are reading my blog

(especially one I talked with tonight)

can be encouraged that, as time goes by,

you will learn to live in the “simultaneous” world

of remembering the great times

(and sometimes maybe even falling apart at those memories)

but also living in your “now”

and going forward.

For me, I no longer feel the need to outwardly

make everything about what was.

Because my life is no longer in what was.

It is in what is.

My sons and I had a great time.

We went to a local place they had never been to before.

(Anna was at her college classes).

It’s a place that’s only open for lunch

and because of homeschooling

and caretaking of my parents

lunch has always been a hard time to get away.

But we made it today.

The food was delicious.

And the company was great!

Even if I did have to tell my boys to stop kicking each other a couple of times!

And I am thankful that,

up until the very end,

God answered Rob's prayer that he prayed 

on the night of our very first date.

God guided us up until the very end.

And He is still showing me how to proceed -

as the caretaker of our children,

and as the caretaker of my Rob's memory.

I am blessed.

 

 

Ringing The Bell For The Last Chemo!

 

"Joy cometh in the morning!"

My Anna rang the bell 

for the completion of her chemotherapy treatments

today at 2:20 p.m.

We are SO excited!

Thank you for all of your prayers!!!

Anna's LAST Chemo!

 

It's still surreal to type my daughter has cancer.

I don't know that I will ever completely process that.

But it's another kind of surreal to type that 

TOMORROW IS HER LAST CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT!!!

I am SO excited!

I CANNOT WAIT to watch her ring that bell of completion!

She says that, although she is thankful it's the last one, she is not excited yet because she dreads the chemicals so much. Unless you've gone through it, I don't think you can understand what it's like to have poison pushed into your veins. I've only watched it happen. I cannot imagine what it's been like for Anna. And the side effects are horrendous. Nausea, weakness, overall feeling horrible for weeks. 

But I am so thankful for that target-seeking poison.

It is the reason my daughter will live.

Please pray for a good chemo day for my Anna.

That they will be able to access her port first try to get her labs.

That she will have great nurses.

That she will not have any reactions to the chemo.

That she will not vomit.

That she will not have restless arms or legs.

And that she will have minimal side effects during the chemo

and after she gets home.

I cannot begin to tell you how much 

your prayers, 

your support, 

and your love 

have meant to me 

and to her 

during this journey.

Thank you.

We love you all,

Anna's mama

58

 

Update Chemo Cycle #5

 

It is so exciting to type Chemo Cycle #5!

That means only ONE MORE!

Anna had a rough day today.

Because of nausea.

When they had so much trouble accessing her port

a few treatments back,

they ended up having to flush the IV line to the port

really fast 4 or 5 times in a row.

The sudden rush of all of the saline and the preservative in it 

caused such a strong taste

(yes, you can taste it as it goes in the line)

that it overcame her and started the vomiting.

Since then, every time she gets a taste of the saline preservative 

when an IV line is flushed,

she vomits or almost vomits.

They had trouble getting access to the port this morning.

Had to get a second person to try.

That nurse got the access but the saline taste at the flushing

made Anna vomit.

And the nausea just never went away.

Even after IV doses and oral doses of anti-nausea medicine.

Thankfully, some of the medicine made her sleepy today

so she was able to sleep for a good portion of the chemotherapy

but each time she awoke, she would start gagging.

She had wonderful nurses all day today.

But it was a rough day.

We were thankful when it was over.

We both noticed the beautiful spring blooms and flowers

as we drove away from the hospital.

Such a sign of hope.

For the new season in the year.

And for the new season of healing for Anna that is so close

we can almost taste the goodness of it!

Anna was somewhat hungry by the time we got home

and requested mashed potatoes.

So far, she has held that down.

Like every time, she is totally exhausted.

She fell asleep after she ate and has been sleeping since.

I pray she stays asleep all night.

Thank you so much for all of the prayers for my girl!

Please pray that she will rest well and that 

her nausea will subside!

Love,

Anna's mama

Anna's Chemo # 5

 

Anna will have her 5th chemotherapy treatment tomorrow.

I am SO excited that she only has 2 left!

And I am SO thankful it is working!

She had a rough few days of nausea after the last treatment

but turned a corner on the Monday afterward

and was eating normal food by that Tuesday.

After that, she was exhausted but slowly regained strength

until this past week, she said she felt almost like normal.

We were even able to go to an outdoor wedding

where I took this photo of my Anna girl.

Please pray that this treatment will go smoothly

and that her side effects 

during and after 

will be none to minimal!

Thank you all so very much for all of your prayers

and support in every way!

We love you all!

Anna's mama