Such a busy day for
us today,
but the date always
makes me smile
and catch my breath.
26 years ago today,
April 16, 1993,
I
went out on my first date with Rob.
When I was teaching
school, I remember telling my students
that it had been 3
years since that first date. They loved Rob.
He was a Duke Divinity
School
made as much time as
he could for my students and for the
community, even before
he was a pastor in the town.
He came in to my classroom and read
to my students when he could.
He came to some of their games. He came to school events when he could.
He came to some of their games. He came to school events when he could.
Seems like he won, at
Fall Festival, a cake one of my
students had baked. So,
since they loved him, they loved
hearing the story during
our break time. At that time, I
was pregnant with Anna
and I felt like I was finally
(and I was) receiving
the desires of my heart.
A husband, a baby, a
ministry, and
students I loved.
It was a great time
in my world.
To think it’s now
been 26 years since my first date
with Rob is almost
unbelievable.
There’s a lot to say
about the process of living after burying my husband and the father of my
children and all the new ways that come up to miss him. Like when a child of
ours gets his driver’s license, when one is going to be inducted into an
academic honor society, when one is starting her own business, or when one
takes her first flight on her way to an overseas missions trip. Those new ways
to miss him just never, never end and, if life ever allows the time, I may write
more about that for folks.
Today, there’s just
not much more to say about the memories of that first date that I haven’t
already said. Except things like, 26
years ago, I couldn’t have imagined the life I have now. The good of it, the bad of it, the amazing
parts of it, and the sad parts of it. I could never have imagined, on that
night, the level of parent caretaking I’ve had to assume. I could never have
imagined that I’d be taking our baby girl to the airport for her missions trip
without Rob by my side to see her off. On
that night, when just seeing Rob set off so many flutters in my mind and heart,
I could never have imagined that I’d end up being an only parent to our
children.
But, on that night 26
years ago, I already knew that I didn’t want to imagine a life without Rob. And
I’m so grateful that I took the risk and went out on that date.
What I would have
missed if I had not taken the risk!!!!!!!!
***************************************************
This is some of what I have written about this date in past years...
Monday, April 16, 2018
25 Years - April 16, 1993
25 years ago,
on Friday, April 16, 1993,
I went on my very first date with my Rob.
It was magical.
Such sweet memories.
25 years ago, I could already see a future with my Rob.
25 years ago, I could already see a family with his Crystol
and my future children with my Rob.
25 years ago, I could already see a future ministry with him.
And I am so blessed that all of that did come to pass.
Today,
in my present life,
I am working with my Wesley on
his high school graduation announcements
and transferring money for Anna's security deposit
for where she will live for her job
after her college graduation.
Life continues to move forward and I am so blessed.
But I will never forget those sweet, sweet memories.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is what I wrote about this date 3 years ago in 2015.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
4-16-15
22 years ago right now, I was on my first date with my Rob.
22 years ago tonight, we had dinner at our mutual friends’ house.
22 years ago tonight, he walked in the door with photos of Crystol and, after saying hello, proceeded to “introduce” me to his daughter and tell me all about her.
He made it clear from the beginning that she was his world.
22 years ago tonight, we played Pictionary with our friends after dinner.
22 years ago tonight, after the dinner and the game,
our friends had to get their children to bed
so we said our goodbyes
and walked out of their house.
Not wanting to end the evening,
but since it was 11 p.m.,
we got into my car to talk.
We talked in our friends’ driveway until 3:45 a.m.
If you know me at all,
I’m sure you’re not surprised
that we could talk that late into the night.
However, if you knew Rob at all,
you’d be surprised that
it was Rob that did almost all of the talking.
22 years ago tonight, he told me he was called to the ministry.
He said he had no idea how he was going to make it happen
but that he was bound and determined to see it through.
(He later said he told me then so I would have a chance to run if I wanted to).
22 years ago tonight, he told me his life story, at least the outline of it.
I listened intently and hung on his every word.
22 years ago tonight, I waited for him to kiss me.
It didn’t happen.
I was disappointed.
But it certainly made it more special
when he did
FINALLY
kiss me when we were on our third date.
22 years ago tonight, I started falling in love
with the man I would marry 8 months later.
It was a wonderful night.
One that we ended in prayer –
with Rob asking God to guide us
in this relationship and show us how to proceed.
He did ask if he could hold my hand while we were praying.
Of course I said yes.
And after he finished praying, he didn’t let go of my hand.
He told me later that he kept trying to think of more things to say
just so he could keep holding my hand.
We talked for another hour.
Today was a long day
(which I may or may not write about later)
with it starting with me signing my name or initials and
today’s date at least 20 times.
So, over and over again this morning,
I had to write 4-16-15.
Only twice did I write 4-16-93.
And I didn’t shed a single tear
even though every single time I wrote the date,
a gentle little stab of pain coursed through my veins.
Although it was MUCH better than it
has been in previous years,
it’s still there.
The reality that it’s over rarely hits me hard anymore.
But the memory of the magic of that night
is one that is still so very bittersweet.
Since I can no longer celebrate that date with Rob,
I celebrated it with our sons.
I celebrated it with our sons.
Although they had no idea that’s why we went.
I will always remember all of our “times” and “dates”
and will probably continue to write about them
so that the ones I know are reading my blog
(especially one I talked with tonight)
can be encouraged that, as time goes by,
you will learn to live in the “simultaneous” world
of remembering the great times
(and sometimes maybe even falling apart at those memories)
but also living in your “now”
and going forward.
For me, I no longer feel the need to outwardly
make everything about what was.
Because my life is no longer in what was.
It is in what is.
My sons and I had a great time.
We went to a local place they had never been to before.
(Anna was at her college classes).
It’s a place that’s only open for lunch
and because of homeschooling
and caretaking of my parents
lunch has always been a hard time to get away.
But we made it today.
The food was delicious.
And the company was great!
Even if I did have to tell my boys to stop kicking each other a couple of times!
And I am thankful that,
up until the very end,
God answered Rob's prayer that he prayed
on the night of our very first date.
God guided us up until the very end.
And He is still showing me how to proceed -
as the caretaker of our children,
and as the caretaker of my Rob's memory.
I am blessed.
