September 18th Remembered

Just remembering.

7 years ago today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(The following was written in 2012)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The last day we spent with Rob while he was conscious

It is 9 a.m. as I start to type this.  Last year at 9 a.m., we were all getting dressed to leave for Rob to preach Homecoming at the church where his dream of becoming a minister came true.  While he was a student at Duke Divinity School, he was also the pastor of 2 churches.  He was so happy to be appointed to Franklinville and Rehobeth.  I will never forget the day he got the phone call.  One of those sweet memories that only he and I shared.

I, of course, took pictures last September 18th.  If I had known that only 16 hours after the pictures were recorded on film (or memory card) that Rob would be unconscious, there would have been SO many more photos.

But we did not know...

 Someone offered to take a family photo but Rob was so busy talking with everyone that he never did make his way back to the altar and I gave up getting one and just took pictures of the kids.  If I had known it would be my last chance for a family photo, I would have made sure to get one.

But we did not know...

The man (who was a middle school/ high schooler when we lived there) who kept the nursery on many Sundays.  Anna adored Craig.

More photos of the kids during the meal but none of Rob.  He was off talking.

Rob and I both always loved this old part of the church.  

This is the choir room where Rob, Anna, and I spent many choir practices.

This is Rob's view from the pulpit.

We wanted a photo of Rob in the pulpit.  We were going to compare them with the ones we took years ago when he first stood there.  He had me take so many way back then - at Franklinville's pulpit and at Rehobeth's pulpit.  He was thrilled to be standing in the position he had wanted for so long - at a pulpit.

I, of course, never minded taking photos of my handsome husband.  If I had known these photos would be the last photos I would take of my husband while he was breathing on his own, I would have taken more.

But I did not know...

We then went outside to the river that runs behind the church.  We loved walking at that river.  We had picnics there when we lived there.  I did not get one single picture of my Rob there that day.  The preacher had walked down there with us and I didn't want to interrupt their conversation.

I did not notice until much later, but I did get a photo of his hand in this frame.

 And then as we were leaving, I snapped this photo of my Anna.  I thought it was just such a gorgeous picturesque view.  

Now I find it symbolic.  

The last picture of our last conscious day with Rob was Anna walking away. 

We, of course, did not know that just 16 hours later, we would all start walking through the hardest day of our lives.  

We did not know that every aspect of our lives would change - after this day.

We did not know...

but God did.

And knowing that He has taken care of us since that day and will continue to do so is what helps us through the hard days.

22

My Anna is 22 years old today.

She has finished college

and has started her first 

internship job.

I am so proud of her!

I am always happy when my children take their next steps in life.

It is what I want.

As I've said more than once on this blog and in life,

my parenting style has always been to work myself out of a job.

To prepare my children.

AT the best of MY ability and

TO the best of THEIR abilities,

with the skill sets necessary

to be independent 

fully-engaged,

self-sufficient,

servant-leader,

contributing members of society.

But, even though I'm ready for this moment in time
and celebrate it fully,
it's also fun to look back at the moments in time when
God blessed us with my Anna girl.

So that's what I did this morning while everyone
was still sleeping on this Labor Day
and enjoying very much
NOT having to wake up
for work (Anna),
for college (Wesley),
or high school (Luke).

And, as I looked at all of these photos,
it really doesn't seem like all that long ago.

I've been so blessed to watch as God has been faithful
to my Anna girl
throughout her entire lifetime,
from the beginning to today.

And I so look forward to watching that faithfulness
for the rest of her future!

Happy 22nd Birthday, my Anna girl!

I love you!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Part of what I wrote in 2013...)

All I ever really wanted in life was to be a wife and a mother.

Marrying Rob took care of both.  I became his wife and stepmother to his daughter.

But it was my firstborn, Anna, who made me a mama.

It was my pregnancy with her... 

...and her birth that awoke in me 

feelings of protectiveness and 

love and concern and 

love and fear and 

love and gratefulness and 

love and happiness and 

love and joy and 

love and every emotion in between.  

And all of those feelings have never gone back to sleep. 

If anything, they have intensified.

She was not breathing when she was born (due to a placental abruption).  We were so frightened when she arrived.  The doctor didn't even say, "It's a girl"  or anything.  They just went straight to work on her.  It took less than a minute for them to get her to make noise.  It was such a weak little whimper.  A sound I will never forget.  The best sound I had EVER heard!  Our baby was alive and making sounds! 

Hurricane Fran was going on outside of the hospital and Rob had to leave the hospital once to go do Charge Conference (still cannot believe that D.S. did not cancel that Charge Conference that was held during Hurricane Fran but he didn't) but other than that, we were cocooned in our little hospital room drinking in all that was Anna.

(Since Anna was 3 weeks early, the nurses kept encouraging us to give her as much skin to skin contact as possible to help regulate her body temperature so this is Rob helping with that)! 

It was with Anna that I learned that nursing my child, although not as easy as it looks, produced such a bond with her that I still remember those feelings to this day.  

It was with Anna that my dream was realized of FINALLY having my very own baby that I got to take home with me! 

It was with Anna that I learned what true contentment and fulfillment felt like for me.

I have been so blessed!  I am so thankful God chose me to be Anna's mama!

Vending Machine

Breakfast conversation with Luke...

Luke: We should go to one of those car vending machines 

and see if we can get a car to shake out of it.

Me:  LOL

Adulting

And just like that,

my Anna's off to live her own life.

Those 21 years and 50 weeks went by way too fast for my liking.

Anna Reached Her Goal!

Short version: Anna raised her funds! God is good all of the time! Thank you so much for every part any of you had in this process, from prayer to financial to emotional support!  We are very grateful!  We will not forget your care and concern! Thank you!

Longer version:

Psalm 46:5 says “God is within her, she will not fall:

God will help her at break of day.” (NIV version)

One thing I know for sure about life is that there is no way

to be fully prepared for its happenings.

Another thing I know for sure about life is that God is always faithful.

In good times and bad, we are enveloped in the arms of God.

And yet another thing I know about life is that

God loves my children more than we do.

He cares even more than I do about

bringing about His will for their lives.

When I was pregnant with Anna, they thought I had miscarried her and they couldn’t find her heartbeat. For a solid week, I lived with the thought that my baby might have died.  The heaviness of that possibility caused pain I had never known before. Thankfully, they were able to find her heartbeat by the next week and the pain gave way to elation and joy at all of the possibilities my new child would bring.

And then she was born not breathing. I had a placental abruption and she had been deprived of oxygen during labor and delivery. The room was so very quiet when she was born. There were no joyous declarations of, “It’s a girl!” There wasn’t the newborn cry that signifies life. There was only the stillness of uncertainty in the air and the sounds of medical professionals trying their best to get my newborn daughter to breathe. Sorrow, pain, fear, hopelessness, and sadness were all encapsulated in those very first few moments of my Anna’s life. I just wanted my baby to live. And I silently begged my God for that to be granted. Thankfully, after a few moments of hard work by the doctors and staff, Rob and I heard the faintest of whimpers from our Anna. The sounds of joy, relief, and thankfulness that came from me were louder as I held her for the first time before they took her to be monitored. I didn’t see her again for hours but I knew the possibilities for this child were now endless. I knew then that she was an overcomer.

When I was a very young girl, we learned a new song at our church. I can’t remember if I learned it with my mama in cherub choir or if I learned it from someone else in preparation for “Children’s Day” at that little country church. But I do know that I have never forgotten its tune nor the meaning of its words. As I was marveling over my baby Anna after I brought her home, I sang this song to her

with new understanding that only a new parent can feel.

It is a Bill and Gloria Gaither song entitled

“I Am A Promise” (copyrighted @ 1975)

and some of the words are:

“I am a promise; I am a possibility

I am a promise with a capital P;

I am a great big bundle of potentiality.

And I am learnin’ to hear God’s voice

and I am tryin’ to make the right choices;

I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

I can go anywhere that He wants me to go;

I can be anything that He wants me to be;

I can climb the high mountain; I can cross the wide sea;

I’m a great big promise you see!

I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be!

I have thought of this song and those pregnancy and newborn Anna incidents quite often over this summer as uncertainty about Anna’s future hung in the air. I thought about impossibilities. I thought about possibilities. I thought of how my Anna could be used in ministry this coming academic year – if given the chance by raising her own salary.  But I also didn’t know if God’s answer might be “not yet.”  So I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. And trusted God for the answer.

As Anna started this ministry fundraising journey, the end result seemed like an impossibility. Especially in the last few weeks. She still needed such a large sum of money to meet her goal. As her mama, I even started making plans for how I could make this happen for her. It wasn’t that I lacked the faith that God could finish what He had started. For I had seen Him accomplish that many times in her lifetime.  It was just that I was asking God if, on top of what I had already given her,

I was the way the final amount could happen.

But God gave me my answer in no uncertain terms. That answer came from all of you.  I watched as God unraveled His plan for my Anna.  What I watched unravel was an outpouring of love and support for my girl all summer long and especially in the last couple of weeks so that,

through YOU,

God made Anna’s mission of being a ministry intern a possibility.

You will never know how much that means to me!

And my answer was that, as much as I wanted to make things happen for her, it really was and is up to God.  What I had to remember was that, although I gave birth to my Anna, she is HIS Anna first and always has been.

Her possibilities are in HIS hands, not mine.

I would wholeheartedly believe this even if she had not finished raising her funds. But I am thankful that this time, her desire and His will have matched up.  She not only raised what she needed to go to work but she raised a little more than her original goal!

She has shown me that her possibilities are endless.

And God has, yet again, shown me

that He loves her even more than I do.

Thank you for being a part of God’s answer to me.

Thank you for being a part of God’s answer to my Anna.

Thank you for investing in my Anna’s ministry.

Thank you for investing in my girl.

And thank you for helping me remember

that it’s up to God

to turn those impossibilities into

“a great big bundle of potentiality!”

In Him,

Janna Caviness Shelton

And Off He Goes...

My Wesley started college today.

This morning I was fine.

But last night, I cried.

He’s my third child to go to college.

You’d think it would get easier on me.

But I think it gets harder.

I’m so thankful he had a great day.

He said he doesn’t know how he will feel

when all of the work starts

but, for today, he loves it!

But we sure missed him at home.

To welcome him home after his first day,

his siblings made him some cookies.

And, just like he would get

after each day of preschool

(if he behaved),

he got his junior mints.

I guess he behaved!

Anna's Ministry

My daughter, Anna, is planning to do a ministry internship with Cru, formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ. She is deeply committed to the Lord and will be reaching high school students for Christ for the 2018-2019 academic year.  Her father, Rev. Robert Shelton, and her grandfather, Rev. James W. Caviness, Jr., would both be so proud that she is following in their ministry footsteps for this year!

Like many other mission organizations, Cru interns have the responsibility to develop a team of financial partners who provide the necessary funding for their outreach, including their salary, medical insurance, and ministry related expenses.

Many of you have already given and partnered with my Anna and we are so thankful for your generosity!  However, she has not yet reached her goal and if she is not 100% funded, she cannot report to her work assignment.  She has worked so hard fundraising this summer.  I will forever be proud of her efforts to raise her own salary just to be able to share the gospel with and to disciple high school students!

If any of you can give a one time gift or partner with my Anna monthly, please let us know or you can give online by going directly to www.give.cru.org and put in her student account number of (removed since she is no longer with Cru).  Even $5 or $10 gifts add up to help.

Thank you so much for your consideration!