Janna's View

My Rob would have been 57 today.

Instead, he died at age

52 years,

8 months,

and 2 days.

I’ve started this blog post for his birthday

too many times to count

but just never could get it written because

I never knew quite what to say…

…until now.

Dear My Rob,

Since your last birthday, so much has happened.

So much has happened with our children.

So much has happened with me.

Some good things.

Some not so good things.

Some things I’ve written about.

Some things I haven’t.

But with every single bit of it

came the

DEEP LONGING

to talk with you about it.

For you were my best friend.

The best friend I have ever had.

And THAT is what I’ve missed

the most this past year.

Your friendship.

Not just

friendship

but

YOUR

friendship.

Simply put,

no one else has ever

known me

or understood me

or cared about me

the way that you did…

…not before you

and not after you.

I miss that.

So, to end 2016’s birthday post,

I will quote the chorus to a song released

since your last birthday.

(“See You Again” by Charlie Puth / Wiz Khalifa)

“It’s been a long day

without you

my friend.

And I’ll tell you all about it

when I see you again.

We’ve come a long way

from where we began.

Oh, I’ll tell you all about it

when I see you again.

When I see you again.”

Love,

Your Janna

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And for those of you who have told me over and over

that you love to see the photos, I am reposting my previous years' birthday posts.

I did not have a blog yet in January 2012 - the first birthday after Rob died - when he would have turned 53. So these posts start with 2013 - when he would have turned 54.

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Friday, January 18, 2013

Fifty-Four

He would have been 54 today.

I was married to Rob for 18 of his 52 birthdays. I have photos from every single one of them. And as I've looked at them to decide what to put on the blog, it was great to re-live those moments.

On the pictures from the first birthday I spent with Rob, I noticed the Duke Divinity School video in the background. This was when he was preparing to prove to Duke that he should be accepted and the video was about the process. He was accepted and graduated with lots of gratitude.

18 days into our marriage, this was the first birthday I spent with my Rob. Caleb (my first cousin who had his own room at my house) had made him a cake and colored a coffee cup for him. Rob and I both had to work that day so I bought him a birthday cookie.

Then there was 1999 when I gave him a 40th birthday party and inivited his churches and all of our family and friends. We had almost 200 people there.

There was his 50th (which was on a Sunday). The church he was serving gave him a covered dish party after church.

And then there was the last birthday we spent together before his death. We went to the beach with Jamie, Sally, Jay, Sarah, and Kaylee to celebrate. We had a great time!

And there was SO MUCH LIVING for us in between that first and last birthday.

Birthdays are about celebration of LIFE. That is what I'm trying to do. I am trying my best to celebrate the life our God gave to my Rob. I am working hard to make sure the children know what his life meant to so many people. I am trying to honor the marriage we had and the life we had together while at the same time, I do feel single again. I am celebrating the father he was to his four children and his influence on them while at the same time knowing that I am a single mother.

I do not know what my future holds. But as I've looked through these photos, I know I've had a great past. And although I am not spending my time LIVING in the past, there are still so many days that I'm sad that it IS the PAST. A part of me is gone and I don't think that will ever change. But on most days, I can remember that I enjoyed many wonderful seasons of life with my Rob and I can smile.

For all of those seasons and for all of those memories, I will always be grateful and I will forever feel blessed.

And now today, on what would have been his 54th birthday, I can smile as I know he is spending his second birthday with Jesus. There's just no thing better that I could wish for him.

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January 18, 2014

Fifty Five

My Rob would be 55 YEARS OLD TODAY - if he were still living.

You can read what I wrote about him last year on his birthday here.

As I pass the day called his birthday for the 3rd time without him,

I am ever more grateful for all of the days I did have with him.

As I said to Rob in the letter I wrote to him for his 40th birthday party:

"And mostly, I have been taught in an ever true way that GOD IS FAITHFUL! We have had to rely on HIM for so many things and HE has NEVER disappointed us!

Just as I couldn't have known 5 years ago what trials we would go through nor could I have imagined what growth we would achieve, as individuals and as a couple. I never imagined how truly "one" two people can be. You see, I truly feel that you are a part of me and I a part of you. When I looked at you sleeping just now (and listened to your snoring), all I could think about iswhat all I would have missed by not having you in my life (okay, so I wouldn't really miss the snoring all that much). I'm so grateful that God allowed our paths to cross! So you see, Robert Edward Shelton, I would have married you sooner because I cannot imagine a better life than the one I have with you and if I could do it over again, I would marry you 6 months

EARLIER!!!!!!"

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1959 - 6 months old

Kindergarten

High School - Licking Heights High School, Ohio

Bachelor Degree in Speech Communication - UNC-Greensboro

Master of Divinity - Duke University

For his 40th birthday, I threw him a big party -

inviting all of our families and both of the churches he was serving at the time.

He had a great time!

He even wrote me a fancy thank you note!

I so loved my Rob.

I miss him.

We all do.

But I am so happy, grateful, and blessed that,

for a while (3 months shy of 18 years),

I had the privilege of calling him

my husband

and hearing him call me

his wife.

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This is the letter I wrote to my Rob 15 years ago

for his 40th birthday.