Yesterday

For those of you who have asked, I want to make sure to tell you that my mom is doing okay.  Thank you for asking!  Mama has settled well into the Rehabilitation Center - and she has kept up her spirits - much better than I expected.  

Thank you for the prayers for her, for my dad, and for us.  

Please keep them coming!  This is just the beginning.  

She has started her daily physical therapy and is doing well with that.  

Yesterday, she was up out of the bed sitting in a wheelchair and 

feeling refreshed from having her hair washed and styled. 

Great steps to healing and keeping up her spirits!

One of the skills my life has taught me is how to keep living - 

even in the middle of a crisis and all of the chaos and change that the crisis might bring.

It's a skill I'd rather not have had to learn

but it's one that has served me well.

So our living yesterday started with Anna's dental check-up (which was good).

And then a little shopping with my girl.  

She got these shoes for her part as an alumnus in our home school group's graduation ceremony. 

I have such a lovely daughter.

I love her so very much.

And I am so proud of my girl! 

We then went home to get my dad, Wesley, and Luke to go see my mom.

My newly driver's permitted Wesley did the driving for this part of my day.

It was amusing to hear how nervous Anna was riding with him.

He is a great driver but he's still her little brother!

It was a great visit with my mom.

The kids always find all kinds of ways to stay entertained when we're visiting

and it's a great plus that the rehab center has wireless so they can all stay connected too!

My great-uncle Paul and his wife, Thelma, were there when we first got there so we were able to visit with them some too.

My dad really does know someone every single place I ever take him, from the doctor's offices to restaurants and now even to visit my mom.  A lady who was his church member and Mama's piano student works in the office.  And on our way to the car last night, we ran into Roger, someone my parents have known for a very long time.  He was there to play music with a gospel group for the residents.  If I had known earlier, I would have planned to keep Daddy there to hear them.  Of course I took a photo of them - and as I was doing that, Roger realized their shirts matched.  

I had ordered a meal from the rehab center for my dad so he could 

eat dinner with his wife and they did enjoy eating together.

They really are cute to watch.

But I planned on running through a drive-thru for the kids on the way home

so Wesley had another first today - his first time doing the driving through and the ordering.

I love watching my kids with all of their firsts!

And our day out ended with another first Wesley has had this week.  He has learned this week how to feed a baby lamb who needs bottle feeding.  He has enjoyed doing it although Anna didn't enjoy the goats keeping on following her around as she was trying to get a photo of the baby lamb.  

Notice I stayed on the outside of the fence to take my photos!  

So, all in all, yesterday was a great day -

even in midst of what's going on.

Although they both miss being in the same house together, 

my mom and my dad are doing well.

My mom is working hard on her goal of walking well enough to get back home.

My children are healthy and doing well.

And I am doing well too.

I even got to sleep 3 full nights in a row.

And sleep is such a good thing! 

One Year Completed

Anna's last day of class was Friday, May 8th, 2015

When we were visiting my mom yesterday,

my Anna checked and her grades had come in.

It is official.

My girl has finished her first year of college with straight A's

and passes for the classes that were graded with a pass/fail.

All A's for my Anna! 

For her entire first year! 

I am 

SO VERY PROUD 

of her!!!

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I'm going to repost my posts about her beginning college for those of you who are new to reading.

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Thursday, July 10, 2014

Another Set Of First Steps

When Anna was a baby, we thought she would never walk.

She didn't take her first step until she was almost a year old.

And she was not completely walking until the week of her first birthday.

Rob and I were both thrilled when she took off after a toy car 

(RC Car from Toy Story to be exact) that Rob had pushed 

across the living room hardwood floor in our very first parsonage.

She chased and caught that car over and over that night.

We could not stop smiling as we watched.

Today, I was smiling as I watched my Anna take another set of first steps.

Today, my Anna registered for her first year of college.

She just so happens to be attending one of the 3 colleges I attended.

I am very proud of her.

And, just as Rob and I were thrilled many years ago 

when Anna started walking so she could chase and catch the toy car,

I was just as thrilled today as she took the first steps to 

chasing and catching the dreams before her now. 

I know her father would be thrilled too.

Posted by Janna at 11:28 PM 

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Monday, August 18, 2014

And Off She Goes...

And off she goes...

...to her first day of college...

...as she starts the next chapter...

...in the book of her life.

I pray it's a great read.

Posted by Janna at 11:12 AM 

Leaving Mama

 Tonight, I left my mama in a nursing home/ rehabilitation center

to rehab from her broken and dislocated ankle.

She will be there at least 6-8 weeks

and maybe much longer,

maybe forever,

if her motivation level doesn’t spur her on to rehab and improve.

Other than living through my Rob’s death and all that was and is involved in that,

leaving Mama was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

I do not feel guilty.

I know I’ve done everything within my power (and Rob’s power when he was alive)

for the last 12 years to keep both of my parents out of a nursing home.

What I feel is pain.

I know it’s for the best.

I know she needs the rehab.

I know I cannot lift her to rehab her at home like I did my dad

plus Rob was alive then so I also had help.

If I had the money, I would pay to rehab her at home.

But I don’t and neither do they.

So I know it’s what needs to be done.

But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

Knowing that didn’t make that walk out of her room any less awful.

Knowing that didn’t make telling her goodbye any less painful.

She was so very brave today during the move from the hospital

and tonight when I left her in her room.

Neither one of us slept but 1 ½ hours last night

so she said she was going to try to go to sleep.

She only cried when they were moving her

and it really hurt her broken ankle.

I put up her Mother’s Day and get well cards and the flowers she had.

They brightened the room some.

And she was peaceful when I left around 8 p.m.

But I only made it as far as the first nurses’ station before the tears fell.

And I barely made it out of the building before the really ugly cry started.

It’s a 45 minute drive from where my mama is now to my house.

Not since Rob was dying and I took 5 minutes to ball up into a fetal position and sob

 have I cried like I did tonight. 

The pain of leaving my mama and the missing of her being at home was awful.

Even though I knew this was coming eventually and I thought I was ready,

I am not ready.

But that is not stopping it from happening.

Ready or not, I still had to turn around and leave my mama there.

I cried so hard that I knew I could not go home and let my dad see me like that.

I knew it would alarm him if I was so upset.

So, trying to think of a private place I could go to try and calm down,

I immediately thought of Rob’s gravesite.

I’ve never felt such an urgency to get to a graveyard.

Maybe only other widows and widowers will get this

but I really felt like,

in that moment of time,

that there was no where else I even belonged

other than at my dead husband’s grave.

No one else but Rob knew what all I had gone through with my parents.

He was the one with me through all of that history that now reverberates into no one.

I’ve not felt this in a very, very, very long time

but it was almost like being at his grave was the only thing that felt right.

So I stopped there to try and calm down so I could arrive home

and tell Daddy, without tears in my eyes, that Mama is okay and will be fine, etc., etc., etc.,

but it didn’t work quite that way.

As I sat on “my side” of the gravestone, I just ended up sobbing some more.

And I didn’t try to stop it.

The wind was blowing and the trees were rustling.

It was peaceful in that graveyard.

And lying on my back on the only thing that is “ours” anymore,

 “our” gravestone,

I had the best view of the beautiful blue sky.

I stayed until dark.

It was soothing.

And I was able to stop the tears;

throw on some more make-up;

come home;

and soldier on.

Doing what needs to be done.

For my dad.

For my children.

For me.

But I cannot shake the look in my mom’s eyes as I walked out of her room.

It wasn’t that her eyes showed sadness.

It was that they showed bravery.

She told me she didn't want me to be sad.

She was being brave for me.

She was being my mama.

And that made it all the more sad.