Mindy

Mindy is my 1^st cousin.  

I am 8 years older than her.  

Today is Mindy's birthday.  

I have always tried to be there for her (and for all of my other cousins as well) whenever she needed me.  Even though we never lived in the same town, I have so many memories of her as she was growing up since I spent much time there during the summers and when we lived close enough, we would go to Grandma Beck's house every Sunday for a few hours between Sunday morning and Sunday night church.  I even remember helping to change Mindy's diapers.  I really have always loved children – even when I was a child myself.  She was 10 when I moved out of my parents’ home into my first place and she and her sister would come and spend the night with me there and every place after that too.  I took them (and their friends) to Carowinds, to the movies, to church, to the store, to the waterpark, to go out to eat, and so many more places.

I was always glad to be there for my cousins anytime they needed me – still am.  But there was one very special time that I got to be there for Mindy and that was when she was getting married.  You see, Mindy got married in December.  My late husband had been a minister for all of 6 months at the time.  And Mindy wanted Rob to officiate.  At that time, since Rob was a student and just “licensed to preach” in the United Methodist Church and not fully ordained yet, the only place he could officiate legally was in a church where he was appointed to serve.  So Mindy and Jimmy decided to get married in our church.  Their wedding was the first wedding held in the renovated sanctuary. 

Their wedding was the very first wedding that my Rob officiated.  
Along with my dad to assist,
my Rob was the minister who married Mindy and Jimmy.  
He was so honored.  
He was nervous.  But it didn’t show.  
He did a great job.
It was to him and will always be to me special that his first wedding was a family member.  
I was very proud of him!

Since the wedding rehearsal needed to be held at our church (which was a different town from where she lived), I offered to host and cook her rehearsal dinner at our parsonage.  I remember getting up extremely early on the day after Thanksgiving and finding all of the sales that I could on Christmas dishes.  I wanted to buy enough dishes to do place settings for the almost 40 people who were going to be there.  And even though I’ve given some of them away over the last 18 years, that’s how I ended up with so many Christmas dishes.

Getting ready for that wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and the wedding was a challenge but I was still at the stage in life when I thought challenges were fun (imagine that).  
Mindy and Jimmy got married on a Friday night so that meant the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner were on Thursday night.  
As I said, I still actually thrived on challenges back then so it didn’t even faze me that I had to teach school on that Thursday and come home to cook for 40 people coming to my parsonage that night after the rehearsal (although I did have enough sense to choose an easy menu because of that fact – baked spaghetti and salad with the groom's cake for dessert).  
And it didn’t even faze me that I had to teach school on that Friday and then come home to help put on my preacher husband’s first wedding EVER.  
It was a hectic week.  
In addition to the wedding, Rob had final exams going on that week too
and I had my very first parsonage open house 2 days after the wedding.  
But I really do not even remember being stressed at all over my part of it.  
It was work – a lot of work – but it was fun work!

(Summer 2013)

(December 2013)

I’m glad I've had the chance to be there for Mindy (and her family) when needed.
I'm glad my late husband had the chance to officiate at their wedding.
And I'm glad our children are close.

Happy Birthday Mindy Jo!

I love you!  Always have - always will!

Lucinda and Memories

Happy Birthday Cindy!  

Cindy is one of my big sister's best friends.

She was mine too.

She was at our house a lot.

And we were at hers a lot too.

Thanks, Cindy, for always being nice to Joan's little sister!  

I always enjoyed when you were at our house or when we were at yours.  

These are photos of a birthday gift and card I gave you when we lived where you lived.  

I don't know how old we were and I don't remember what the gift was (maybe chocolates?) but I do remember wrapping it in aluminum foil and I do remember the card.  I loved those cards with the little window overlays in them.  I sold those cards door to door.  I got to keep $1 a box!

So many memories come to mind when I look at these photos.

I was age 8 to 14 when we lived at the house in these photos. 

I still have that book that I was reading at the time - it's pictured opened up on my side table (otherwise known as a "burger server") that I had gotten out of the Sears catalog for Christmas.  The Burger Server was supposed to have 2 stools that hooked to the front of it so you could "serve burgers" but we never could get them to work right so we just took them off and I used it at a side table.  

And that book - it was one I had saved up my money to buy through the book clubs at school.  

I've always had a book that I was reading nearby - for as long as I can remember. 

My Zoom (tv show on PBS) stickers on my bed that were SO HARD to get off at moving time.  

I got in trouble for having put them on parsonage furniture to begin with.

My water basketball games that were so popular then.

My Nike box full of mail from my friends from the place we had lived before

(this was obviously before email, cell phones, or even affordable long distance so handwritten letters were the only communication I was able to have after we would move from a place).

I still have those letters.

The handmade stuffed bunny that I bought at the church bazaar.

The Champion paper box lid full of my school papers with my pockeball on the top.

My parents' tupperware cup.

And I remember every poster that is on the wall.

So many happy memories of times gone by.

Happy Birthday Cindy!

I love you!

One last photo - obviously from Christmas time but I have no idea what year!

"Missing-ness"

Some days, it really is still hard to believe that Rob is dead.  

Not most days at this point, 

but some days. 

Even memories are bittersweet.  

My memory works for and against me – 

bringing up so many glimpses of the past – unbidden.

Like this morning on Facebook, I read a post about a married couple who are going to be apart for a few days and the teacher husband posted that he is going to miss being at home.

A normal post – but one that SIMULTANEOUSLY evoked smiles and tears as the post reminded me of the first time Rob and I were away from each other after being married.

I was teaching elementary school and we were taking our students on a trip to the coast.  I was really looking forward to the trip with my students.  They had worked hard for the trip and we were going to do all kinds of fun things – like dissect a squid (ughhh) - but I certainly had all kinds of feelings about just not wanting to be away from my Rob.  We had not been away from each other overnight since we had married.  I even remember crying with him about it.  I promised to try and find a phone so that I could call him at a certain time and he promised to be by the phone at the appointed time (this was before cell phones so if he missed the call, I wouldn’t get to talk to him AT ALL!).  I remember standing in line at that pay phone, armed with my calling card number, waiting to talk to my husband – my man.  I remember being so happy to hear his voice.  I remember he told me that the new Christmas comforter that I saved money for 3 months to order had arrived that day.  And because I was in front of students and other teachers, who were also waiting in line to call their parents or spouses, I just couldn’t gush and go on and on about how much I missed him.  But later on that night – after all of the students were in bed and after I thought my roommate (I was on the top bunk) was asleep, I snuck out of the cabin and went back to the pay phone and called my Rob again.  He wasn’t expecting the call and of course, I woke him up.  He was happy to hear from me again but if anyone has ever talked to my husband right after he was awakened, you can pretty much know how that conversation went.  He tried really hard to stay awake while I was telling him how much I missed being in our bed WITH him!  He did wake up enough to tell me he missed me too and he couldn’t wait for me to be home.  Then he drifted back off to sleep.  I got him back awake enough to hang up the phone after we exchanged 

“I love you’s.”

We had enough parent chaperones that we teachers actually had private bunk rooms in the cabins.  I was rooming with my principal.  At that time, she had already been married for a good while (don’t remember how long but her first grandson was around 3 years old, I think).  I thought she had been asleep when I snuck out but she wasn’t.  

When I returned to my room and as I was climbing back up the ladder to my bunk, she surprised me by asking if I was okay.  

I told her I was fine.  

And I was because I had gotten to talk to my Rob again.  

That’s all I needed to go to sleep. 

The next morning, she asked me again if I was okay and I told her where I had been.  

She just grinned.  

And she started reminiscing about when she was first married.  

And she said that, even after all of the years she had been married, 

she still did not like to be away from her husband.

That first time I was away from Rob was so difficult on my heart and I was SO HAPPY to be back home.  Even though I was having a good trip with my students, I missed him SO MUCH!  

The “missing-ness” was so INTENSE!  

I cannot remember now if we were at the coast for 2 or 3 nights but I called him every night and was thrilled when he was there to meet the bus when we returned.  

I just melted when I saw that smile spread across his face as he saw me!

And now, we've been apart for 

897 days…

2 years, 5 months, and 13 days…

128 weeks and 1 day…

Even though I've learned to live with it, 

I still don't like being away from him.

And on some of those 897 days, 

it’s still hard to believe that I will not see that smile again on this earth…

…and the “missing-ness” is still intense.

Sarah (and Jane)

Sarah was my first niece.

Today is her birthday.

She is 9 today.

I was there for all of her birthdays until 

she started having friend sleepover parties

instead of family parties.

I cannot find photos from the first 3 parties...

(they're in that batch of 2003-2008 photos that 

I haven't seen since my last move- ughhh!) 

...but here's what I did find 

plus a few other "cousin" photos I thought she (and her parents) might enjoy seeing.

(2009 - 4 years old) 

(2010 - 5 years old)

(2011 - 6 years old)

(2012 - 7 years old)

(Easter 2013 - just turned 8 years old)

Happy Birthday Sarah Grace!

I love you!  Always have - always will!

It is also my Aunt Jane's birthday 

(the aunt Jane on my dad's side of the family).

She wouldn't want me making a big deal of it so I won't.

And she's not still long enough for me to get many photos of her.

But I found this one real quick that shows what she seems to enjoy most...

...being a grandma!  This is Xander, the youngest of her 4 grandbabies!

Happy Birthday Jane!

I love you!  Always have - always will!

I hope you both, Sarah and Jane, have had great birthdays!

Ann Kiemel Anderson

Someone I never met died today.

And I am sad.

I just found out a few minutes ago.

Saw it on Facebook.

She was very inspiring to me when I was a teenager and a young woman.

Ann Kiemel Anderson.

She was an author.

I read all of her books when I was young.

Loved her books about being a young, single woman on a quest to tell everyone that Jesus loves them.

Loved her book about "giving God time" to bring her husband to her.

Loved her books about adoption.

Loved her books about life.

Just last year, I discovered her blog and have been reading since.

Loved how honest she was about how life

did NOT turn out the way she had thought it would.

Loved how honest she was about how marriage and kids were a struggle.

Loved how honest she was about personal struggles.

She battled with so much.

But she always persevered.

Until today.

Today she joined her Jesus.

Today she gets to just rest.

I recently had a conversation with someone who might be facing death in the next little while.  

I said to this person that since Rob died, 

I have an entirely different perspective on death.

Not that I didn't feel this way before,

but somehow, it's drastically different since losing Rob.

For the believer - 

for those of us who truly believe in eternal life through salvation - 

the saying 

"Life isn't fair and then you die" 

can be corrected to 

"Life isn't fair and then you GET TO die!" 

So tonight, Ann "gets" to be with Jesus.

We get to grieve.

And I will miss another person who was important in my life.

Even though I never met her.