Yesterday...My Grandma Caviness Said It Well

In 1959 and at 18 years old,

my daddy moved out of his parents’ house

to start college as a freshman.

It so happens that I now live in that same house.

And my almost 20 year old daughter

moved out of that very same house yesterday

to transfer as a junior into “sleep away” college.

She will now travel her own path.

In her own way.

It’s what I want for my Anna.

Yet…

…I will admit that when Anna wasn’t in her room the other day,

I crawled into her bed,

hugged her baby blanket,

and cried for an hour.

Many emotions have gone through my mind today

ranging from missing her

to being very excited for her. 

After all, THIS has always been my goal.

As I’ve said before,

my parenting style has always been to work myself out of a job.

To prepare my children,

AT the best of MY ability and

TO the best of THEIR abilities,

with the skill sets necessary

to be independent,

fully-engaged,

self-sufficient,

servant-leader,

contributing members of society.

Yet…

…I will admit that

before Anna was fully awake yesterday,

I crawled into her bed,

put my arms around her,

and cried for 30 minutes.

The boys, Anna, and I had a great day yesterday.

The day was full of fun and excitement –

getting her settled into her dorm room,

walking around her campus,

going out to eat dinner

getting ice cream,

and walking her back to her dorm.

And even though I did tear up a couple of times,

I didn’t even cry until the very end of the day…

…when I had to hug her goodbye and leave her there.

It just seems it all happened in a blink…

…from the first moment I kissed her little newborn face

to the moment I had to leave her yesterday.

I know I will be okay but

this “leaving and letting go” thing is difficult

and I’m left to question,

as all other parents have done before me,

“JUST WHERE DID THE TIME GO?”

In 1959, my Grandma Caviness

wrote down how she felt

about my daddy leaving home.

Tonight,

while sitting in the same house

that both my daddy and my daughter,

57 years apart,  

moved out of to go to college,

reading her poem 
takes on a fresh new meaning for me.

My Grandma Caviness said it well:

 Elizabeth Caviness 1959

SEPTEMBER

I gazed into his room

And found it, oh so bare!

It held so much just yesterday;

Today there’s mostly air.

A bed, a desk and shelves;

Pencils too short to use.

So little to show for eighteen years;

Today he left for school.

Too many places set at the table;

Some extra chores to do;

This emptiness deep down inside---

I guess my heart went, too.