17

All I ever really wanted in life was to be a wife and a mother.

Marrying Rob took care of both.  I became his wife and stepmother to his daughter.

But it was my firstborn, Anna, who made me a mama.

It was my pregnancy with her... 

...and her birth that awoke in me feelings of protectiveness and love and concern and love and fear and love and gratefulness and love and happiness and love and joy and love and every emotion in between.  

And all of those feelings have never gone back to sleep. 

If anything, they have intensified.

She was not breathing when she was born (due to a placental abruption).  We were so frightened when she arrived.  The doctor didn't even say, "It's a girl"  or anything.  They just went straight to work on her.  It took less than a minute for them to get her to make noise.  It was such a weak little whimper.  A sound I will never forget.  The best sound I had EVER heard!  Our baby was alive and making sounds! 

Hurricane Fran was going on outside of the hospital and Rob had to leave the hospital once to go do Charge Conference (still cannot believe that D.S. did not cancel that Charge Conference that was held during Hurricane Fran but he didn't) but other than that, we were cocooned in our little hospital room drinking in all that was Anna.

(Since Anna was 3 weeks early, the nurses kept encouraging us to give her as much skin to skin contact as possible to help regulate her body temperature so this is Rob helping with that)! 

It was with Anna that I learned that nursing my child, although not as easy as it looks, produced such a bond with her that I still remember those feelings to this day.  

It was with Anna that my dream was realized of FINALLY having my very own baby that I got to take home with me! 

It was with Anna that I learned what true contentment and fulfillment felt like for me.

She is 17 today.  She chose to eat Mexican food for her birthday lunch today with her brothers and me.

 (The kids were watching the digital birthday card Luke had made for Anna).

She is 17 today.  Still so hard to believe.  We've been through a lot together, this firstborn child of mine.

She is 17 today and she is a lovely young woman!

She is 17 today and is so very talented and has so much to offer this world!

She is 17 today and I know my time left with her in my home is limited.

But her time in my heart will never end.

Happy Birthday, my Anna!

I love you - always have and always will!