Thank you for all of your responses and concern (by email and comments). I've tried to be real on this blog and the last post is real. I still feel that way. I still want to wake up from this nightmare. I STILL WANT HIM BACK! But some days are worse than others. And some days are better than others. And moving and packing is bringing it all to the forefront of my mind and into my actual physical space.
The absence of his presence is EVERYWHERE!
I found a bag of what he called his "fat clothes" that he had meant to donate to the yard sale last August but I guess this one bag didn't make it there. It was in the outbuilding. I actually am glad he never got it there though b/c the bag of clothes will provide more material for the 5 quilts I'm going to have made from his clothes (1 for me and 1 for each child). But unexpectedly finding that bag (I thought I had finished his clothes) and seeing those clothes that he wore so much made me melt down into a puddle of mush. It is all just so incredibly hard! I covet your continued prayers!
But the reason I haven't blogged in almost a week is just b/c I've been so busy - not b/c I'm hiding under the covers somewhere (although hiding under the covers sounds delightful and I wish I had time to do it! : )
So I posted the last post on a Tuesday and it was 11:31 p.m. when I clicked on the publish button. Some of my last words in that post were that God always provides JUST the right comfort for me soon after I've had a time of being really sad. I even said that it has ALWAYS happened - WITHOUT FAIL. Last Tuesday was no exception.
Anna has been having lots of practices for her upcoming concert (her Chorus concert was yesterday), dance recital, and her play. They've been going really late - especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last week, we did not leave her practice until 9:20. We live 20-25 minutes away and so my children are always up late on those nights. I decided to write that post while they were all having a late snack at around 10:30 p.m. (we'd had a VERY early supper b/c we had to leave at 4:30 to get to Wesley's Tae Kwon Do class). That's the way it's been going lately. I feel like I live in the car. I'm either driving one or two or all of the kids somewhere or I'm taking a load of stuff to my storage barn at my other house or I'm taking someone to the doctor or another person to the doctor to get a tick's head removed (the doctor had a REALLY hard time getting it out too so I didn't feel so bad that I just COULD NOT get that head out) and so on and so forth.
ANYWAY, I hit publish at exactly 11:31 p.m. At exactly 11:33 p.m., Wesley and Luke came in my room when I was still powering down the computer and they were both laughing hysterically. Laughter really is most of the time contagious. Turns out that while they were eating, they had somehow gotten on the subject of nursery rhymes and lullabies and how ridiculous and violent they are and they had been singing lots of them - making themselves laugh harder and harder with each one they sang.
But the one that brought them to my room and got me laughing so hard was one that my mother sang to me when I was little. They came in to ask me if I knew what it meant and they performed a hilarious rendition of it while asking. Funny how God uses my kids so many times!
I do actually remember my mother singing it to me and we also have an audio tape of it as well. For some reason, my mother called me "Monkey Button" when I was very young and even occasionally throughout my life. She told me once that b/c the word monkey was in this jump rope rhyme that it stuck with her and that's why she sang it. But I always asked her if she really wanted to get rid of me:)
The rhyme / song contains these words:
Had a little monkey
Sent him to the country
Fed him on ginger bread
Along came a choo - choo
Knocked him coo coo
Now my monkey's dead
So my boys are singing this over and over to me - all the while they are laughing uncontrollably - asking if my mom wanted to "send me to the country" - and before I knew it, I was chasing them both and tickling them and singing the song to them.
I guess you really had to be there. And I didn't take any pictures.
But if you CAN picture it -
you're looking at a view of God's perfect timing
for providing just the perfect comfort
that is custom tailored for me at just the moment
that I needed it!
Isn't God awesome?
